PCW Extreme Political TV
Verizon Wireless Arena
Monday June 23rd, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave
Suave welcomes everyone to PCW. He announces that newcomer #2, managed by former Ohio State football coach Jim Tressel, will make his television debut tonight.
MATCH #1 REPUBLICAN RUMBLE
-’Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson- representing Herman Cain
-’American Citizen’ Kevin Scott- representing Mitt Romney
-Jack Schmidt- representing Ron Paul
-Farmer John- representing Tim Pawlenty
-Dann Armey- representing Rick Santorum
-Average Joe- representing Michele Bachmann
-???- representing Newt Gingrich
Gingrich (R-GA) then gets on the mic and tries to beg off due to the mass defection of his upper echelon advisers. He says he wasn’t able to find a wrestler because of the upheaval in his campaign.
Unfortunately for Gingrich, the other six don’t buy his explanation and drag him into the ring. Armey and Scott double suplex Gingrich over the top rope to the floor below. Rick Perry (R-TX) and several of Gingrich’s former campaign workers run out and stomp away at Newt. Perry and company drag Gingrich to the back.
Gary Johnson (R-NM), barred from the match by CNN, tried to make a run-in with Magnum P.O’d but security stopped them from reaching the ring.
Halfway through the match, Michele Bachmann (R-MN) tells Johnny Suave that she’s officially in the PCW CEO race.
End of match:
Farmer John misses a Hydrogen Bomb in the corner and lands awkwardly. Scott finally returns to the ring and hits a series of dropkicks on the big guy for a two count. Farmer John goes for a chokeslam on Scott but gets nailed with a top rope hurricanrana from ‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson when he turns around. Frog splash from Scott. Jackson and Scott begin duking it out in the corner. Scott nearly leaps right into the Pizza Cutter from Jackson. But Scott counters with a drop down jawbreaker. Farmer John then throws Jackson over the top rope. Scott then schoolboys Farmer John from behind and hooks the leg…1…2…3.
WINNER: ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott w/Mitt Romney (R) @ 8:52
#2 w/Jim Tressel (I) vs. Bobby Ralston (I)
Tressel spent most of the match hawking his books about ‘doing the right thing’ while #2 systematically took Ralston apart. He didn’t see the ‘Insanely Mad Hungarian’ Alex Hrabosky sneak in and clock #2 from behind. Ralston made the cover and stole the win.
WINNER: Bobby Ralston (I) @ 6:11
Post match, Tressel accused Hrabosky of cheating. Hrabosky challenged #2 to a match next week at PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed. #2 accepted.
PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D), Big Labor (D), and Triple R (D) versus
Charlie Blackwell (AmHeart), Ken Worth- The American Trucker (AmHeart), and Daniel-San (I)
Tanaka and Blackwell hook up just once in the prelude to their PCW Title match next week. The California Teacher’s Union: Andy ‘The Foul Pole’ Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D) hit the ring and attack Blackwell et al.
This brought down Ken Worth- The American Trucker and SNAFU (AmHeart) and the match dissolved from there.
The final shot of the show saw Tanaka (D) and Blackwell (AmHeart) stare each other down again.
WINNER: No contest @ 13:45
Other notable happenings:
-In an interview with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein, PCW CEO Barack Obama made his first public comments on the Anthony Weiner (D-NY) matter. Obama told Bernstein “I can tell you that if it was me, I would resign. When you get to the point where…you can’t serve as effectively as you need to…then you should probably step back.”
Bernstein also announced that the PCW Competition Committee formally approved Weiner’s 2 week leave of absence earlier today.
-Lebron James holds a press conference in the back called ‘The Excuses.’ He tries to explain how the Miami Heat lost the NBA championship to the Dallas Mavericks. Finally, he lets loose… “They have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today. They have the same personal problems they had today. I’m going to continue to live the way I want to live and continue to do the things that I want to do with me and my family and be happy with that. They can get a few days or a few months or whatever the case may be on being happy about not only myself, but the Miami Heat not accomplishing their goal, but they have to get back to the real world at some point.”
Dirk Nowitzki walks out and James leaves.
Cleveland Cavalier’s owner Dan Gilbert walks in as well. “Mavs NEVER stopped & now entire franchise gets rings. Old Lesson for all: There are NO SHORTCUTS. NONE. By the way, I heard a great joke today. I heard tomorrow’s National LeBron James Day. I hope everyone takes advantage of their chance to leave work 12 minutes early.”
Ohio’s John Kasich (R) piled on as well. He resolution proclaiming the NBA champion Dallas Mavericks “honorary Ohioans” since “the proud city of Cleveland and the entire state of Ohio share the excitement of Dallas Mavericks fans everywhere. Dirk Nowitzki chose to re-sign with the Dallas Mavericks in the summer of 2010, forgoing free agency and keeping his talents in Dallas, thus remaining loyal to the team, city and fans for whom he played his entire career.”
-Talk show host Thom Hartmann cuts a promo and says that PCW CEO Barack Obama should ‘starve’ his detractors in the Red States until they agree to raise the debt limit.
Def Leppard’s ‘Tear It Down’ begins.
You got the look of a howlin’ wolf
I like it
The kind of eyes that could start a fire
Yes, I like it
A streetwise dynamo
I switch you on and I watch you go
A thrill to touch, you’re so hot
I’m coming for you ready or not
I’m gettin’ ready
Livin’ on the edge of a dream
Gettin’ ready, I’m gettin’ ready
Oh, switch on your lovin’ machine
Crowd: What the #$##! What the #$##!
Tear it down
There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down
I can’t wait another day
Hartmann tries to escape but the Extreme Equalizer pulls him back in the ring. Then WTF delivers a powerbomb and flips him off.
Tear it down
There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down
If only you could stay
All night long
-Conan O’Brien cuts a promo at Dartmouth: “You have graduated more great fictitious Americans than any other college. Meredith Grey of ‘Grey’s Anatomy,’ Pete Campbell from ‘Mad Men,’ Michael Corleone from ‘The Godfather.’ In fact, I look forward to next year’s valedictory address by your esteemed classmate, Count Chocula. Of course, your greatest fictitious graduate is Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner. Man, can you imagine if a real treasury secretary made those kinds of decisions?”
-The PCW Tag Team Champion’s California Teacher’s Union: ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D) address a rumor that started when Malibu Dusty debuted at #10 on the CWC Women’s Wrestler charts. Felcher and Felcher join the champions and threaten to sue the CWC until Malibu Dusty makes a stunning announcement- she is a woman. Suave does the FARGO STRUT! Malibu Dusty admits that she’s a female bodybuilder/teacher.
NEXT WEEK- PCW LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED 7:
#2 w/Jim Tressel (I) vs. ‘The Insanely Mad Hungarian’ Alex Hrabosky (I)
‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and Daniel-San (I) vs. Dann Armey and Brad Company (R)
Big Labor and Triple R (D) vs. Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)
The Right Wing Blogging Brigadiers: Rush Limbaugh, ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter, Bill O’Reilly, and Michelle Malkin vs. The Angry Left Wing Bloggers: Rachel Maddow, Arianna Huffington, Markos Moulitsas, and Professor Paul Krugman
PCW Television Title Match
‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (c) (D) vs. Pizza Delivery Guy Josh Jackson (R)
PCW Tag Team Title Match
California Teacher’s Union: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (c) (D) vs. The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe Schmidt (R)
PCW Title Match
Yamamoto Tanaka (c) (D) vs. Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland)