PCW Lock and Load 6
Huntington Center
Toledo, OH
Sunday September 25th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

Suave is NOT in the ring.  But one-third of the Axis of Evil, Iran‘s Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is.    Ahmadinejad rails against the West for a laundry list of ills throughout history including slavery,  two world wars, and the global economic crisis.  Ahmadinejad also criticizes the killing of Osama bin Laden, and suggests that the al-Qaeda leader could have been the star witness at a trial that would reveal the true culprits behind the attacks on New York and Washington.  The crowd boos the sharply worded speech, accompanied by finger-wagging and dramatic hand gestures.

Suave then announces that he got the work from the back that they were walking out.  So, while Ahmadinejad continues to talk, the crowd silently files out.   Suave says the PPV will start over again in just a few moments…

PCW Lock and Load 6
Seagate Center
Toledo, OH
Sunday September 25th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

Suave in the ring.  He thanks the Seagate Center and marvels at the coincidence that the convention hall had a wrestling ring and seating all set.  Yes, what a coincidence indeed.

A steel cage comes down and covers the ring and Suave throws it to the beautiful Jamie Chung

…comes out to introduce the first match.

MATCH #1- Five Minute Cage Match
Casey Anthony (?) vs. ‘The Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt’ Dawn McGill
-Anthony, after a Florida judge on Friday doubled the amount Anthony had to reimburse authorities to more than $217,000 for the costs of investigating the disappearance of her 2-year-old daughter, Caylee,  needs the money badly.
-McGill was more than willing to give Anthony a five minute match.  How long could Anthony stay in there with her?

…the bell rings…Anthony stays in her corner.  McGill walks over, grabs her by the hair, and pulls her to the center.  She throws Anthony into the cage wall.  Anthony gets hung up over the top rope.  McGill pulls her back in by her feet and whips her into the cage wall on the other side.  Anthony staggers back out to middle of the ring.  McGill’s drop toehold sends Anthony to the mat.  McGill mounts and slaps on the Katahajime/Tazzmission.  Anthony frantically taps out.

WINNER: Dawn McGill @ :56

Suave: “How long could Anthony stay in there with her?  Not even one minute.”

The referee opens up the cage and the PCW Clean Up crew goes in to clean up the mess.

While they’re doing that, Bristol Palin, daughter of the Alaskan Pitbull, Sarah Palin, comes out and talks with Suave.  Palin gets Johnny up to speed on her latest exploits and has a camera crew with her.

Then some 47 year old guy named Stephen Hanks started shouting something at her.  He finally came close enough so Bristol and Suave could hear what he was saying.  Hanks shouts if she rode Levi Johnston like she rode that mechanical bull in West Hollywood? He adds that ‘your mother’s a whore,’  ‘your mother is a *bleep*-ing whore.’  Palin confronts the guy and demands to know what she’s done so wrong.  Hanks replies that just living and breathing is enough and tells Bristol her mother’s going to hell.   He adds that Bristol and mom Sarah “don’t look anything like women,” and calls Bristol “white trash” and a “*bleep*-ing bitch.”

Suave intervenes and tells Hanks that’s totally uncalled for.  Bristol starts walking away.  Hanks throws Suave aside and goes up and pushes Palin from behind.  Bristol grabs him by his t-shirt and drags him to the ring.  She throws him in, joins him, and the locks the cage behind her.  The referee, still in the ring from the previous match, calls for the bell.

Suave: “We’ve got an impromptu match!”

MATCH #2
Bristol Palin (R) vs. Stephen Hanks (D)

Bristol goes right on the attack.  Hanks lifts her off her feet and hip tosses Palin through the air like a rag doll.  Big splash in the corner by Hanks.  Bristol drops to a knee and low bridges Hanks.   Dropkick to the back of the head by Palin.  She goes back to her corner and rifles through her purse.  She brings out a bottle of hairspray.  Hanks tries for a powerbomb and instead gets an eyeful of hairspray.  Bristol then smacks Hanks in the head with the can and rams him into the ring post.    She puts him in the tree of woe and then starts hits a drop kick to the nuts.

Palin climbs halfway up the cage.  Hanks stumbles up.  Palin jumps and missile dropkicks him into the side of the cage.  Bristol with the roll up…1…2…3.

WINNER: Bristol Palin @ 4:08

Post match, Palin flips Hanks off and leaves.

Suave then runs down the remainder of the card for tonight.

First round match in PCW Lock and Load tournament
Daniel-San (I) w/Mrs. Miyagi vs. PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D)
-How will the PCW Champion go out?  Will he leave as champion?  Or will someone take the title from him?
-Daniel-San is still smarting over PCW CEO Barack Obama and the PCW Executive Board discontinuing the Television Title- of which he held at the time.  Now, after surviving two four-way matches he gets his chance against Tanaka?  Can Daniel-San overcome the odds and a determined Democratic machine gunning to keep the title in their hands?

First round match in PCW Lock and Load tournament
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) vs. O’Beck Bahama (D)
-In 2008, Scott (then Starz N. Stripes) and Bahama put on the greatest match in PCW history.  Now, nearly 3 years later, can the two rekindle that magic and do it again?
-Scott would like nothing more than to excise the ghost of what happened that night.  Yes, he’s held the PCW Title belt since then but he benefited from a bit of chicanery on the part of the PCW Competition Committee with Jill Berg forfeited the title.   Now, Scott can kill two birds with one stone.
-Bahama’s long road back from a severe concussion that cost him the title in 2009 and put him out of action for nearly 2 years would be complete if he could defeat Scott and then win the PCW title back.

PCW Women’s Tag Team Title Match
PCW Women’s Tag Team Champions Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R) vs. The Korver Sisters: Kelly and Korey (D)
-If you’ve never seen Merchants of Death (formerly Angels of Death) in action, tonight you’re in for a treat.  The MoD was the dominant tag team in Missouri Valley Wrestling and took on all comers.  Tonight, they get old MVW foes, and former tag team champions themselves, The Korver Sisters.  Kelly and Korey signed with the Democrats for one reason- they promised the team they would push them for the PCW Tag Team belts.  Tonight is their opportunity.  Can the Korvers, who have defeated the MoD before in MVW, use their technical skills to outmatch the most extreme female tag team political wrestling has ever seen?

PCW Tag Team Title Match
PCW Tag Team Champions The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe (R) w/Ron Paul (R-TX) and Vince Vaughn vs The California Teacher’s Union: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D) w/’The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor (D) and the Longshoremen (D)
-In what should be an all-out war, The Schmidt Brothers put their PCW Tag Team belts on the line against former champions- The California Teacher’s Union.  The Schmidts, 3 time PCW Tag Team champions, took back the title from the CTU at PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed.  Now, the Schmidts find themselves up against not only the CTU but the unions fighting back to keep their political power.  The big question in this match is the big rumor that Charlie Blackwell, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido, and Blackwell’s Les Miserables will intervene in this match on the Schmidt’s behalf.  If so, not only will there be plenty of action in the ring, they’ll be a lot of action outside the ring as well.

PCW King of Extreme Title Match
PCW King of Extreme Champion Keith Olbermann (D) vs. The Queen of Political Extreme Ann Coulter (R)
-Olbermann has held the title since PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed.  Now, he faces an extreme challenge from ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ herself Ann Coulter.  Her recent Facebook remarks about Troy Davis the night he was executed show that Coulter is in rare form.
-For his part, Olbermann continues to do the things he usually does, rip Sarah Palin, rip Republicans, but on a much smaller scale than before- on Current TV.  Can Olbermann’s usual schtick hold up against ‘The Queen of Political Extreme?’  Stay tuned…

PCW Women’s Title Match
PCW Women’s Champion Callie Urban (D) vs. PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas (I)
-At the last Missouri Valley Wrestling pay per view show, May’s Arch Wrestling Madness, Urban and Salinas put on a five minute exhibition of pure adrenalinized combat.  After getting cut in the initial seconds of the match, Valora threw everything she had at Urban in a frenzied attempt to end the match quick.  Urban held on and as Valora weakened took control of the match.
-Valora has won titles everywhere she’s gone from Wrestling Midwest to High Octane Wrestling, the WfWA to Missouri Valley Wrestling.  Can she add the PCW Women’s title to that list?  Urban also has an impressive resume of titles to her credit from no Brand Wrestling to All-star Championship Wrestling.  This is shaping up to be a remake of the ages.

PCW Title Match
TBA vs. TBA
-The winner of Daniel-San (I) w/Mrs. Miyagi vs. PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D) and ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) vs. O’Beck Bahama (D) will meet and the winner will be the PCW Champion.

MATCH #3
First round match in PCW Lock and Load tournament
Daniel-San (I) w/Mrs. Miyagi vs. PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D)

Suave asks how will the PCW Champion go out?  Will he leave as champion?  Or will someone take the title from him?  He then notes that Daniel-San is still smarting over PCW CEO Barack Obama and the PCW Executive Board discontinuing the Television Title- of which he held at the time.  Now, after surviving two four-way matches he gets his chance against Tanaka?  Can Daniel-San overcome the odds and a determined Democratic machine gunning to keep the title in their hands?

The crowd cheers both men.  A chant of ‘Thank you Tanaka’ starts up.

…Tanaka slugs away on Daniel-San.  From behind, John F. Kerry (D-MA) sends in the Massachusetts Bluebloods, JFK and RFK.  JFK uses weaponry to send Daniel-San to the floor. Already the challenger is bleeding.

*”Can You Hear the People Sing?” from Les Miz plays

Charlie Blackwell (I), ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (I), and Blackwell’s Les Miserables run down.  Blackwell dumps a beer over Kerry’s head and crotches him on the fan barricade. JFK and RFK attack and the action goes deep into the fans, involving wandering around with the occasional punch. Things become slightly more varied when Blackwell whips Kerry with a belt and strangles him with it to PCW chants!…

…Daniel-San grabs a chair and goes the top rope.  Tanaka runs into the ropes and crotches him.  Tanaka then hiptosses Daniel-San off the top rope and right into the chair.   Tanaka props a chair up against the bottom rope and then whips Daniel-San face first into the chair.  Again the action goes to the floor.  Tanaka sends Daniel-San into the barricade.  Chairshot by Tanaka to the back and head.  Tanaka lifts Daniel-San and drops him crotch-first into the barricade…

…Daniel-San tries to crotch Tanaka, but the lights go out…

*YEEEEEEEE-AHHHHHHHHH!*

…and it’s Screamin’ Howard Dean (D-VT).   Trash can shot by Dean to Daniel-San’s head.  And another!  Dean sends Daniel-San into the ring before strolling to the back.   Daniel-San goes low on Tanaka and starts to follow up but again it’s lights out.   It’s Chuck Schumer (D-NY)!  Schumer lariats Daniel-San!  He lays in a couple stomps before sliding out of the ring.  Tanaka goes to pulls Daniel-San and again he goes low.  Daniel-San readies himself for THE CRANE KICK!  Then the lights go off again and…

Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop” suddenly starts to play.

The crowd explodes as a spotlight shines on a plaid shirted man with a Singapore cane and a cup of mocha in his hands.

Suave: “IT’S HIM! HE’S HERE! THE TREE HUGGIN’ ALPHA MALE AND ENVIROMENTAL EXTREME HARDCORE ICON…

The Extreme Environmental Hardcore Icon Al Gore

The crowd sings the chorus “Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow.” Gore holds up his mocha, inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable container of course, and chugs it down. Then he spews it out of his mouth into the crowd and then crushes the paper container on his forehead in a manly fashion.

The Environmental Extreme Hardcore Icon walks down the steps to the main floor. At the bottom of the steps, Gore pulls out another container of mocha, guzzles it down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead. Gore then wades through the main floor crowd to the ring.  He climbs up on the apron, pulls out yet another cup of mocha, guzzles that one down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead.

Gore immediately goes over to Daniel-San and starts caning the ever-livin’ crap out of him.  Blackwell and Escondido, done with brawling with the Massachusetts Bluebloods, storm the ring and attack Gore.  Tanaka lifts Daniel-San for a powerbomb.  Daniel-San flips over Tanaka and wraps his arms around his neck.

Suave: “TAZZMISSION!  TAZZMISSION!”

Tanaka drops to his knees.  Daniel-San changes the submission over to the LeBell Lock.  Schumer and Dean, the Massachusetts Bluebloods try to get to the ring but The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski run down and start whaling away on them.  Tanaka taps and that’s it.

WINNER: Daniel-San (I) @ 28:42

The crowd stands and gives Tanaka a standing ovation.  Tanaka holds up Daniel-San’s arm and claps.  The PCW Clean Up Crew come down and try to clear the area so the second first round match can get under way.

MATCH #4
First round match in PCW Lock and Load tournament
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) vs. O’Beck Bahama (D) w/Justin Sufferable
Suave says in 2008, Scott (then Starz N. Stripes) and Bahama put on the greatest match in PCW history.  Now, nearly 3 years later, can the two rekindle that magic and do it again?
Scott would like nothing more than to excise the ghost of what happened that night.  Yes, he’s held the PCW Title belt since then but he benefited from a bit of chicanery on the part of the PCW Competition Committee with Jill Berg forfeited the title.   Now, Scott can kill two birds with one stone.  Bahama’s long road back from a severe concussion that cost him the title in 2009 and put him out of action for nearly 2 years would be complete if he could defeat Scott and then win the PCW title back.

…Bahama with a hammerlock.  Scott counters with a snapmare and a boot.  He headbutts Bahama, but Bahama rakes the eyes and snapmares him.  He grinds his boot across Scott’s face and hits a few kneelifts.   Both battle for a suplex and trade counters.  Bahama turns a powerbomb attempt into an armdrag. Headscissors by Bahama.  Scott reverses and gets one of his own.  Both men throw dropkicks and we have a stand-off while the crowd gives them a standing ovation…

…Headlock by Bahama.  Scott backs him into the corner to break the hold.  Double-underhook suplex by Scott.  He covers but Bahama kicks out.  Scott works the arm and whips Bahama into the ropes, dropkicking his knee.  Scott slaps on a surfboard that works the knee.   Then Justin Sufferable climbs up on the apron.  Scott sees him and drops the hold.   Scott and Sufferable jaw back and forth.  Bahama from behind…BAHAMA BACKBREAKER!  Here comes ‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) w/Herman Cain (R).  Here comes Texas Jack (R) with Rick Perry (R-TX).  Jackson there first and climbs up onto the apron.  Texas Jack arrives and grabs Jackson.  He pulls him off the apron to the floor and gets up himself.  Texas Jack with the chair.  He charges.  Bahama drops Scott back to a standing position and Texas Jack skulls him with the chair.  Scott down.  Sufferable drills Texas Jack with the Singapore cane.  Bahama covers…1…2…3.

WINNER: O’Beck Bahama (D) @ 12:39

Both Texas Jack and Rick Perry can’t believe it.  Mitt Romney (R-MA) walks out and he’s furious.  He and Perry get into it.  Cain points to Texas Jack.  Jackson goes over and gives him a Pizza Cutter on the floor.

Suave wraps up the first round.  There will be a new PCW Champion crowned tonight.  Will it be Daniel-San (I) or will it be former champion O’Beck Bahama (D)?

BACKSTAGE
PCW Tag Team Champions The Schmidts (R) are accosted by the Labor Coalition (D).   ‘The Self-Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor promises that the California Teacher’s Union will be warriors for the middle class and bring back the Tag Team belts with them tonight.  After a brief, but tense, standoff, the Labor Coalition walk away.

DEMOCRATS LOCKER ROOM
Democrats Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily List, Kathryn Randall Collins, and Union Maid plan strategy for the upcoming Women’s Tag Team Title match.

MATCH #5
PCW Women’s Tag Team Title Match
PCW Women’s Tag Team Champions Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R) vs. The Korver Sisters: Kelly and Korey (D)

Suave says if you’ve never seen Merchants of Death (formerly Angels of Death) in action then tonight you’re in for a treat.   He explains the MoD were the dominant tag team in Missouri Valley Wrestling and, tonight, they get old MVW foes, and former tag team champions themselves, The Korver Sisters.  Kelly and Korey signed with the Democrats for one reason- they promised the team they would push them for the PCW Tag Team belts.  Tonight is their opportunity.  Can the Korvers, who have defeated the MoD before in MVW, use their technical skills to outmatch the most extreme female tag team political wrestling has ever seen?

The bell rings and before Angel Casey can take two steps forward, Women for Women run up to Angel Scott on the apron.  Code Pink delivers a Glitter Bomb and blinds Scott.  Then Pink and Emily List doubleteam slingshots Scott off the apron into the barricade…

…Kelly Korver with a kick and a pair of chops to Angel Casey.  Casey fires back with a kick and hits a series of chops that backs Kelly.  Headlock by Casey.  She  sends Kelly into the buckle and Kelly responds with a boot to the head.  Angel Scott, her eyesight finally cleared,  jumps in and hits Kelly with a wicked clothesline.  Korey tries to get involved but runs into a superkick by Angel Scott.  Scott tosses Korey out of the ring…

…After taking ten minutes of punishment, Angel Casey finally gets the hot tag.  Scott starts to clean house.  Lou Thesz Press to Korey and Scott pounds her with right hands.  Kelly Korver in the ring. German suplex by Scott to Kelly.  T-Bone suplex to Korey.  She makes the cover.   1…2…Kelly makes the save.  Kelly whips Scott into the turnbuckle.   Korey hits a hurricanrana and a big boot for two…

…Women for Women, Union Maid, and  Kathryn Randall Collins drop Scott to the mat. Kelly and Korey set up…KORVER KRUSHER!  Angel Casey gets mad.  She runs in and nails Kelly with a monstrous elbow.  But then she loses the numbers battle as Code Pink, Emily List, Union Maid, and KRC quadruple team her.  Finally, the Triple Threat: ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas (R), Sarah Mae Smith (R), and Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R) hit the ring to even the odds.  Jones tees off on Union Maid and gives her an Eskimo Pieface.  With all hell breaking loose in the ring, Korey makes the cover on Scott…1…2…3.

WINNER AND NEW PCW WOMEN’S TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: The Korver Sisters (D) @ 15:20

The brawling continues in the ring.  Both Korver Sisters slide out with the belts and celebrate outside the ring…

More to come…