*10 Bell Tribute in Memory of Indy Car Racer Dan Wheldon*
Hour two of PCW Politics is War gets under way with Suave at the broadcast desk.
Suave: “After a wild first hour of PCW Politics is War where Nevada, South Carolina, and Florida attempted to barge ahead of Iowa and New Hampshire and hold their PCW events earlier, Jesse Jackson Jr. (D-IL)advocated that CEO Obama declare martial law in PCW because the Republicans won’t pass Obama’s bills, and Pizza Delivery Guy Josh Jackson (R) won his biggest match to date, pushing himself and Herman Cain (R-GA) into the forefront of the Republican race for PCW CEO.” Suave starts to talk some more but is interrupted by the video screen…
Occupy Wall Street members Nate, Shane, and Adam going to protest at the homes of the rich and powerful. Except in this case, Shane and Adam are trying to direct Nate away from a sprawling mansion in Nashville, Tennessee. Shane is protesting the disparity of income between the haves and have nots when…
*Fleetwood Mac‘s ‘Don’t Stop’ begins to play*
Opening the door is no other than the ‘Hardcore Environmental Icon himself- Al Gore (D-TN). Gore demands to know what the O.W.S. is doing at his palatial mansion that uses the equivalent of electricity to power 22 regular sized houses. Shane and Adam apologize profusely and try to pull Nate away.
Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit- the Wall Street Market Analyst with the Extreme Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit (R) w/Texas Tex
‘The Self-Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D)
Once again, the California Teacher’s Union: ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D) interfere in the match and it’s a four on two beatdown.
…Big Labor lifts Walstreit up…SCABBUSTER! He rolls Walstreit out of the ring and goes after Big Oil. But Texas Tex whaps Big Labor in the knee and tags him in the kisser with his golden money belt. A double shoulderblock from Golatta and Malibu Dusty lifts Texas Tex off the ground and onto the mat. Golatta pulls Texas Tex up and winds up…FOUL POLE! FOUL POLE! Tex turns ghost white and crumples to the mat holding his groin.
James the Jeep Worker sends Big Oil into the corner and lays in some hard rights, taking the count to four and then pushing the referee away. Big Labor hits a the boot to Big Oil’s face as the ref is distracted by James. Big Oil fights off both and then kicks Big Labor in the gut. He sends Malibu Dusty to the corner and she stumbles back to a Superkick to the face! Big Oil with a bulldog and as an added treat clotheslines James at the same time!!! Big Oil goes for the Oklahoma Driller…Big Labor is rising and Punk sets James up. WHOA! JOE BIDEN (D)? In the ring? Biden kicks Big Oil in the gut and the double team doesn’t stop.
Biden, Golatta, Malibu, Big Labor, and James attack Big Oil like mad men. Then the crowd roars…
Suave: “JOSEPH WURZELBACHER? JOE THE FREAKIN’ PLUMBER. FOR REAL?
Here comes JTP. He attacks Big Labor with a plumber’s wrench to the knee. Malibu Dusty over to break it up…
Suave: “HOLY CRAP! DID YOU SEE THAT? DID YOU SEE JOE THE PLUMBER CRACK THAT WRENCH OVER MALIBU DUSTY’S HEAD?”
Malibu Dusty falls to the mat and blood seeps out from a cut on top of her head. Big Labor decides to get out while the getting’s good and runs into Kirk Walstreit. Walstreit blasts Big Labor over the head with his autographed, framed picture of ESPN star Kirk Herbstreit. Joe the Plumber sends James the Jeep Worker out to the outside. He holds up the plumber’s wrench and hops on him from the apron.
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
JTP catches the fleeing JJW and sends him into the steps then into the barricade!
RESULT: No contest at 10:54
The OWS is in Flint, Michigan and Nate tries to break into some rich guy’s mansion there. He attempts to scale the fence surrounding the property sets off the alarms. The OWS don’t abandon their third member and soon a portly gentlemen…wearing a baseball cap.
Michael Moore: “Ah, what are you guys up to?”
Shane and Adam again apologize for Nate’s intrusion into the Moore Estate and try to leave…
Callie Urban (D) Promo
From what Callie understands, new PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I) has an open challenge to anyone in the locker room who has their gear on. She looks around and observes that no one wants to step into the ring with her. With good reason, she adds.
Replay: Callie Urban vs. Valora Salinas at PCW Lock and Load.
…German suplex by Urban gets two. Series of kicks by Urban. Valora reverses a whip and charges into a tornado DDT. Urban covers…Valora kicks out at the two-count. Whip by Urban into the corner…here’s Code Pink and Emily List. Urban sees them and doesn’t look too happy. She whips Valora across the ring a second time. Then walks over to the edge and tells them to get lost. Valora roars out the corner towards Urban. Irish Whip by Valora…no, reversal by Urban and she whips Valora hard face first into the corner. Code Pink and Emily List climb up onto the apron. Urban comes in for a splash. GLITTER BOMB BY CODE PINK! But who got it? Valora is sitting on the floor. Urban staggers back and she can’t see. Valora swoops in behind her…TEQUILA SUNRISE! Arm trap single leg Boston crab! Urban’s trapped…SHE TAPS!
WINNER AND NEW PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Valora Salinas (I) @ 14:45
So, what should she do? Should she walk away? Should she quit? The crowd says no. She considers the option before saying she’s never been a quitter. Callie says she will not be intimidated and she will not quit. Come hell or high water, she is going to work to give the fans what they want- a third match. The crowd roars and then John Boehner (R) comes out. Boehner reminds Callie that he is the leader of the PCW Competition Committee- not her. He says she is not the only one who’s deserving of a Women’s PCW title shot and ‘The American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith walks out.
Boehner makes a match for right now and Callie confidently waves Smith into the ring.
PCW Extreme Political TV
Monday October 17th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave
Callie Urban (D) vs. ‘The American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith (R)
Smith pulls Urban’s shirt over her head as a distraction. But it doesn’t work thanks to a stomp to the foot and then a spinning heel kick that didn’t quite connect all the way but enough to break the hold. Urban up in the corner, ‘Queen of Her Doublewide Trailer’ Lani Harlot (R) rolls in and drops Urban with a stiff chairshot to the back. Lani is about to put Urban in some serious pain with her White Trash Compactor submission hold, but Code Pink and Emily List (D) also race down. Suave reminds everyone what happened the last time Code Pink and Emily List tried to help Callie…
Replay: Callie Urban vs. Valora Salinas at PCW Lock and Load.
GLITTER BOMB BY CODE PINK! But who got it? Valora is sitting on the floor. Urban staggers back and she can’t see. Valora swoops in behind her…TEQUILA SUNRISE! Arm trap single leg Boston crab! Urban’s trapped…SHE TAPS!
Suave: “Don’t think for a second that Callie Urban hasn’t forgotten that.”
Callie realizes that both Code Pink and Emily List are in the ring. She doesn’t go after Smith. Instead she chases Emily List out of the ring. Then she turns to Code Pink who tries to explain what happened. This distraction allows Smith to hit a Spear and she pins Urban for the 1…2..3!!!
WINNER: ‘The American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith @ 8:54
Post match, Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R) come out and rough up Code Pink and Emily List. The M.O.D. toss them out of the ring and turns their sights on Urban. Harlot puts Urban in the White Trash Compactor. The M.O.D. take turns slapping Urban across the face. Then…
*’Meaning of Life’ by Disturbed plays*
The PCW Women’s champion Valora Salinas (I) hits the ring with an Asai Moonsault that breaks the hold on Urban and sends the three Republicans scattering. Valora hits the Implant DDT to Angel Casey and then Angel Scott gets a gutwrench powerbomb! Valora tosses Casey hard into the ringpost and then Scott. Lani Harlot tries to Pearl Harbor Valora with a chairshot but out of nowhere, the women’s champion superkicks the chair into Harlot’s face.
The PCW Clean Up Crew, led by Nurse Nellie, hits the ring to sort out the damage caused by Valora.
Scott Brown Interview
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein interviews Scott Brown (D-MA). Bernstein asks about the campaign, Brown says it’s going good so far. In fact, he wants to share his new campaign slogan with everyone- Bernstein agrees.
Scott Brown: “Ask Not What Your Country Can Do For You- Ask What You Can Do For Your Country.”
Bernstein does a doubletake. Brown thinks he’s got something there. Bernstein tells him that line was from a John F. Kennedy speech.
Bernstein repeats the line was from JFK’s inaugural speech in 1960. Brown blames his staff for the mix up and exits quick.
OWS’ s Final Destination
The OWS has reached their third and final destination. New York City. Again, Nate has run off from the others and charged past a guard inside a ritzy high rise apartment complex. Once upstairs, Nate pounds on the door until it opens…
Nate: “Alec? Alec Baldwin? You’re rich, too?”
An embarrassed Shane and Adam wheel Nate out of harms way before Baldwin’s prestigious temper erupts and he starts leaving nasty phone messages.
The Right Reverend Randy Richardson (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA) and the God Squad
‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) w/Herman Cain (R-GA)
Suave marvels at the rebirth of one Newt Gingrich over the past few weeks and compares it to Cain’s meteoric rise.
…Jackson with a bottle of Gatorade and smacks Quad R with it. Jackson throws Quad R into the timekeeper’s table. Chairshot…no…Richardson escapes and he throws Jackson into the table. He’s got a chair- chairshot. Jackson staggers away but Quad R catches up to him and hit an atomic drop on the guardrail. xx
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
Jackson takes a drink of someone’s beer and spits Quad R in the eyes with it. They go back into the ring and Jackson fires off a number of head butts. Both trade chops back in the ring. Quad R hits a drop toe hold to send Jackson face first onto a chair. Richardson calls for more chairs. But ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin steps in. Spinning toe hold to Rev. Flambe. PIZZA CUTTER! to Rev. Hinnrich. Now Sister Mary Marlboro in the ring to confront Martin…Martin grabs the oversized pizza box and plasters her with it.
Suave: “OVERSIZED PIZZA BOX OF DOOM! OVERSIZED PIZZA BOX OF DOOM!
Jackson small packages Richardson out of nowhere. 1…2…3.
WINNER: Pizza Delivery Guy Josh Jackson (R) @ 16:30
Post match, Quad R knocks out the referee.