Tonight’s PCW show was to have started off with the big match between
Yamamoto Tanaka (R) representing ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA) vs. Jim Schmidt (R) accompanied by Ron
Paul (R-TX). Except for one single, teeny-tiny problem…
The Republican Establishment in the form of Corporate
Might: Big Oil and
Kirk Walstreit (R) took turns stomping away at Schmidt. Big Oil lifted Schmidt
up and put him in the piledriver position and delivered an Oklahoma Driller on the floor.
Tanaka walked out grinning, thinking that he was about to have an easy
PCW Competition Committee Chief John Boehner (R-OH) in the
Boehner: As the leader of the PCW Competition
Committee, and since we have no opponent tonight for Yamamoto Tanaka…
Boehner: I have no other choice but to declare
Tanaka…and Mitt Romney…the-
Suave: What the hell?
Ron Paul walks out and heads to the ring.
*Pat Green‘s ‘Southbound 35′ comes on*
Texas Jack runs down the ramp, passes Paul, and goes right to
the ring. He throws Boehner out and starts trading shots with Tanaka.
A referee slides into the ring and we’re off.
Suffice to say, Boehner goes off like that elf in the movie ‘Bad
No, not THAT elf! Well kinda…but no!
Okay. Yeah. That guy.
Texas Jack decks Tanaka with a left hand. He climbs the top
turnbuckle…SPLASH! Texas Jack hooks the leg…one…two…WHAT?
That’s right, Big Oil came to ringside and pulled the referee out.
Then it got even better…
Suave: “The crowd is pissed and rightly so.
Texas Jack is shouting at Big Oil. He doesn’t see Tanaka. HOLY CRAP!
From behind, Tanaka grabbed Texas Jack and dropped him like a bad
habit with the Scorpion Death Drop. But Tanaka wasn’t done yet…
Suave: Tanaka’s has Texas Jack on the top
rope…no…no…JAPANESE SUPERDESTROYER! Tanaka covers…Boehner’s in the ring…he
makes the count…1…2..3.
WINNER: Yamamoto Tanaka (R) @ 14:02
Suave would call for the police to come down after Big Oil, Kirk Walstreit,
and PCW Champion Daniel-San hit the ring and beat on Texas Jack.
Er, no. I don’t think he’s coming to Texas Jack’s rescue. I don’t think
he’s coming to anyone else’s rescue either to be honest.
But someone else did…
Suave: IT’S A-BOMB! IT’S A-BOMB!
The crowd pops when A-Bomb, bandaged up from his beatdown Thursday night, and
Daisy Cutter-Bomb runs to the ring. And he’s on…
…yeah, something like that.
A-Bomb pulls Daniel-San off Texas Jack. Daniel-San swings;
A-Bomb ducks and then whips him through the ropes to the floor. Walstreit comes
over- Daisy intercepts and kicks him in the balls. Then she takes his breath
away with a devastating Daisy Cutter Powerbomb. Tanaka and Big Oil retreat from
the ring when the Tea Party: Average Joe, ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay, and NRA
show up as well.
The year is 2017. In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife
have pulled the United States
apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find
themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an
attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.
But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind
attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest
challenge to date. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in
the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from
undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a
cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.
Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A.
Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a political
satire lampooning the sorry state of today’s American politics.
And of course, next came the obligatory Jesusland vs. Progressiveville match
to promote the book.
But! Before the match could get started, David Brock of
Media Matters For America comes out and interrupts the proceedings. Brock, who
is parodied in the book as well as most of the main political ‘stars’, is not
happy about his portrayal.
David Brock: That is not fair. You equate us as being
no better than the lying conservative scum who-
Excerpt from Jesusland vs. Progressiveville:
wearing a white shirt with black pinstripes stood up. “Ma’am, given the fact
that there appears to be some significant movement forward from the initial
meetings, how long will it be before there will be some sort of official
“It’ll be soon.”
“A follow up,” the reporter said. “Just how soon?”
“Really, really soon.”
Amy sighed and pointed to two men who shot up out of their chairs.
“Eric Boehlert,” the man on the left said.
“David Brock,” the man on the right said.
“We’re from Media Matters for America,” Boehlert said.
“What’s your question?” queried Amy.
Brock answered, “We protest the fact that you allowed the last reporter, who
works for the Wall Street Journal- known for its bias towards conservatives, to
ask a follow up question. That validates his first question which we see as
slanted towards a conservative viewpoint.”
Amy scratched her head. “He asked a perfectly reasonable question.”
“We object to the fact that you are allowing the right wing to spew their
hate filled propaganda,” Boehlert said.
Brock added, “You’re helping to push the conservative’s extreme agenda by
giving their questions such credence.”
Amy considered her options. “Hey, guys? Look. I am not biased in any way.
Hell, I’m a big fan of the Dixie Chicks and I feel that what’s happened to them
is a crime. So-”
Amy’s eyes fluttered and she shook her head. “All right, who are you?”
“Noel Sheppard. NewsBusters. We take on and fight liberal media bias.”
“And what do you want? Are you implying that I’m somehow biased?”
“Yes,” Sheppard said matter of factly. It’s a well known fact that liberals
use their sympathizers in the media to further their left wing agendas.”
“All I said was that I was a big fan of the Dixie Chicks. And what happened
to them was a crime.”
“So you agree with the Dixie Chicks,” accused Sheppard. “I knew you were
Amy glared at Sheppard.
Of course, Brock again takes great exception at the comparison and threatens
to put Political Championship Wrestling and the author of Jesusland vs.
Progressiveville, Mr. A. Nominous, on his enemies list. And then the most
peculiar thing happened…
Okay, okay. More peculiar than the Beach Boys getting back together for
their 50th anniversary.
Suave: “Some guy with a bow-tie is running to the ring!
Wait a minute? Is that Paul Simon?
The Late Senator Paul Simon (D-IL)
Suave: No, wait. He’s dead. I don’t
believe it. Is that Tucker freakin’ Carlson?
Carlson has a chair and hits the ring. He blasts Brock with the steel
folding chair. Then something even more inexplicable than the Beach Boys
reuniting and Tucker Carlson doing a run-in takes place…
Suave: “ALAN DERSHOWITZ?
Dershowitz hands the referee some sort of warrant.
Suave: What the hell is that? A steel folding
chair warrant? Is that anything like the ‘torture warrant’ that Dershowitz once
Apparently so. After delivering the warrant, Dershowitz takes the chair from
Carlson and whaps Brock with it. Then he took the microphone.
Dershowitz: “…let me tell you, Max Blumenthal and Media
Matters will be singlehandedly responsible for [Obama] losing the PCW CEO race.
They [the Democrats] cannot win and keep this affiliation with them [Media
So after all that, ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin hit a Pizza
Cutter on Happy Mango three seconds into the match. She made the cover and got
WINNER: ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin @ :06
Next, backstage PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein talks with Mrs.
Miyagi about the break up between her and Daniel-San. Except for the fact that
Mrs. Miyagi really isn’t in a talking mood. At least until Daniel-San shows
Daniel-San: Look, I didn’t care for the way
this whole thing went down. That’s my fault. I’m sor-
Yep. cue John Creese and his Cobra Conservatives walking in to
interrupt the PCW Champion.
John Creese:Mercy is for the weak, Daniel-San. Haven’t
you gotten that through your head? Boys…
Cue the obligatory Cobra Con attack on Mrs. Miyagi. Except Mrs. Miyagi wipes
the floor with Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy. So Creese sweeps her leg and
tells Daniel-San to take her out. Daniel-San slaps on the Labell Lock and by
the time Halitosis- the Insane Luchador with Horribly Bad Breath, can reach her
MATCH #3- PCW Television Title Match
‘The One Man
Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)
Mitch Thomas- The American
Of course, Chism wins easily as the American Taxpayer is screwed from the
start when the announcement is made that the national debt will be a trillion
dollars more in a decade than originally forecast.
WINNER AND STILL PCW Television Champion: ‘The One Man Hollywood
A-List’ Stone Chism (D) @ :57