Most folks don’t know that Senator Joe Biden was also interviewed by Charlie Gibson last week and I have the transcript!  My mole in ABC was able, at great personal risk, to purloin a copy!  It wasn’t as long as the Palin interview, but you can see that Gibson treated Biden with the same objectivity that he used for the Palin Interview.

The Biden Interview:

CG:  I’d like to welcome Senator Joseph Biden to our studio and thank the OBAMA/biden campaign for allowing us this chance to sit down with Senator Biden in a one on one interview.  Welcome Senator Biden.

JB:  Thank you, Charlie and on behalf of Senator Obama, I thank you as well.  He also wanted me to remind you about your lunch together with him coming up next Thursday and it’s your turn to buy the drinks.

CG:  Great! I’m glad you reminded me of that, now moving on – America wants to know who Joe Biden is.  We want to know who is the man that will literally be a heart beat away (and Obama’s is a very young heart, I might add) from being the President of the United States.

JB:  Oh Charlie, you know who I am, I’m Joe Biden!  And for those of you watching, Hi America, I’m Joseph Biden! You can call me Joe.

CG:  Okay, but we need to know about you.  What makes Joe Biden tick?

JB.  Well, obviously it’s my heart.  (I call it my "little ticker", you know.) Other than that, I’m just a regular Joe (See even my parents knew I was going to be regular so they gave me that name) who commutes to work every day in a private Amtrack car just like everyone else.  I’ve been an agent of change since the Nixon era.  What most people don’t know is that I’ve been a secret agent for change.  It’s kind of like being a spy for change, I guess you’d say.

CG.  You and your trainee…er running mate often talk about change.  Exactly what do you and Senator Obama mean by change?

JB.  Charlie, simply put, we are for change.  We will go to Washington as true outsiders (he’s from Illinois and I’m originally from Scranton) to affect change.  Since we are both secret agents of change, we bring a wealth of experience at changing things that no one knows we changed.  Did you know that it was Senator Obama that changed the way we change things in DC when he first arrived?  It’s true!

CG.  I didn’t know that!  I see what you mean by being secret agents of change!  Do you have code names or numbers like 007 or something?

JB:  Officially – no.  Let’s just leave it at that.  But we do have these really neat secret agent decoder rings of change.  Barry gave me one the night he selected me as his Vice President! 

CG:  Interesting! So what do you bring to the ticket, Senator Biden?  Why you instead of Senator Clinton.

JB:  As I said last week, Charlie, Barack had a tough choice to make and Senator Clinton (Who I admire and who is a very close friend) would have been a great pick – maybe even a better pick!  Leaving aside his probable lapse in judgment, I bring a wealth of foreign policy experience Obama desperately needs.  I also bring security for the future.

CG:  Security for the country’s future?  How so?

JB:  No, security for Obama’s future.   Charlie, as much as I love, admire and respect my great friend, Senator Clinton, no one would be crazy enough to put her a heartbeat away from the oval office, I don’t care how young your heart is!  Also, Senator Obama is following a winning game plan by nominating me as his Vice President.

CG:  How so?

JB:  Well Bush chose Cheney for gravitas and I provide that for Senator Obama.  And if we win, I’ll also be too old to run in eight years.  We might be secret agents for change, but we are also smart enough to use strategies that work! 

CG:  Speaking of Bush (spit), I asked PTA member Palin this question, "Do you agree with the Bush doctrine?"

JB:  Obviously not!

CG:  Exactly what is the Bush Doctrine, Senator Biden?  Define it and tell us why you are against it.

JB:  Well Charllie, the simple definition is that it is evil and as secret agents of change and being highly trained in covert methods of change, we know how to spot evil and Bush (spit) is, as we all know, the epitome of evil evilness in today’s world.

CG.  Well stated Senator.  Now what do you think of Homemaker Palin’s prayer where she allegedly quotes Abraham Lincoln?

JB:  Well, as I stated in my original speech yesterday to the National Association of Supermarket Cashiers And Restockers  (I’ve always been a big NASCAR fan!) about religious values, I said this about my Republican counterpart who, I might add, enjoys killing cute, innocent, forest creatures:

Two score and seven years ago, a mother brought forth to us, a new Light, conceived in Honolulu, and dedicated to the proposition that all prayers are equal in the sight of The One. 

Now we are engaged in a great civil discussion, testing whether that prayer, or any prayer so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure and also, thou shallt not covet prayers from dead Republican Presidents!

We here highly resolve that these prayers shall not have been said in vain — that this nation, under Obama, shall have a new birth of prayers — and that prayers of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth. 

Essentially, Charlie, what I’m saying is that everyone has the opportunity to pray and that as dedicated secret agents of change, President Obama and I will even be changing the way America prays!  Did I mention that Palin likes to murder cute, furry, forest creatures?

CG:  Wow!  Well said, Senator, I wish I had your gift with a phrase!   Thank you so much for taking the time from your busy campaign schedule to talk with me and tell America a little about who you are.

JB:  Thanks Charlie, but as I said, you already know who I am!

CG.  Quite right!  Good night everybody, this is Charles Gibson for ABC news.  Courage!_____________________________


Cross Posted at The Violence Worker