The Anti-Vaccine Movement Has Gone Too Far This Time

Joe Cunningham // Posted at 8:06 pm on August 01, 2017

Dear Internet,

We need to have a talk.

We’ve talked before about the anti-vaccine movement and how it is doing nothing but endangering lives. Well, now it has decided to take out its anti-science rage on man’s best friend.

“It’s actually much more common in the hipster-y areas,” she said. “I really don’t know what the reasoning is, they just feel that injecting chemicals into their pet is going to cause problems.”

A Clinton Hill–based veterinarian, however, said she has heard clients suggest the inoculations could give their pups autism, echoing the argument of those who oppose vaccinating kids. But even if pooches were susceptible to the condition, their owners probably wouldn’t notice, according to the doctor.

“I had a client concerned about an autistic child who didn’t want to vaccinate the dog for the same reason,” said Dr. Stephanie Liff of Clinton Hill’s Pure Paws Veterinary Care. “We’ve never diagnosed autism in a dog. I don’t think you could.”

I will not allow this. You hipster liberals with your new age fears of actual science stay the hell away from dogs. Don’t own them. Don’t go and get one. Let the good boys of this world be adopted by someone who cares enough for them to give them their shots.

This is the biggest thing that has irked me about the anti-vaccine movement is that it makes no sense from a parental standpoint. Are you telling me you’d rather have your child (or dog, I guess?) suffer from a devastating, potentially deadly disease just so they don’t get autism? Is that really the hill you want (your kid/dog) to die on?

That’s absurd. You’re absurd. Stop this now. And don’t have kids or dogs.