Abortion Barbie Wendy Davis has had an attack of conscience. Not about standing up for late term abortion; that part she is proud of. No, she is “haunted” – HAUNTED, I say, for having supported open carry in Texas when she ran for governor. This is, apparently, not a joke, or at least that is what Politico Magazine would have you to believe. Whether that makes it more or less of a joke, I leave it to you to decide.

Well, don’t fret, Wendy! I have several pieces of good news for you related to this, uh, “problem,” that is just, you know, genuinely eating away at your conscience, I am sure.

1. No one cares. I mean, your two basic accomplishments in life were mounting a failed filibuster and running for Governor and losing by a historic margin. Your opinion did not and does not mean squat to anyone – conservatives and moderates flatly rejected you in your home state, and liberals nationwide were merely interested in using you as a PR chip in their war against unborn children. No one at any time, Democrat, Republican, or Independent has ever taken leadership from you on the issue of guns. So don’t worry, you weren’t “part of the problem” when it came to guns.

Unless, of course, the “problem” is that gun control is pushed by people who tend to lose elections in horrific fashion immediately thereafter, in which case, yeah. You’re part of that problem.

2. You would have lost anyway. Listen, nobody lost an election by 20 points over one single issue. To accomplish something like that, you have to really be out of step on a bunch of issues, or under indictment (NB – this applies to Republicans only), or run a horrible campaign that is tone deaf to virtually all of your voting constituents. And like Meat Loaf said about your campaign, two out of three ain’t bad.

Listen, the people of Texas could not have been any clearer that they were not following your leadership, period, so I wouldn’t be concerned about what possible effect taking the other position on guns might have had with even one single person. I mean, by the end you could have shot holes through a copy of the Second Amendment and proclaimed that everyone who ever owned a gun should be executed and you wouldn’t have finished either better or worse.

3. Guns don’t kill 1% of the people that vacuums do. Even if you did somehow contribute to gun violence in the United States, take heart. The problem is getting much, much better (not worse) and accounts for about 9,000 deaths a year. That makes them not even as dangerous as vacuums, which are responsible for waaaaay more deaths in America each year. I mean, about a million unborn children are killed by abortion every year and a vacuum of some sort is used in most of those, so they are about 100 times more dangerous than a gun.

So what you really should be saying to yourself is, “Boy, if I had stood strongly in favor of using vacuum cleaners to kill kids, THEN I should feel bad right now.”

Oh wait, you did that, too?

Well, crap. I’m out of reasons.