… but I know what gives me horrible night terrors. And it is this painting.

The Florida GOP is selling this portrait of Dorian Gray .. err, Charlie Crist, with the stated intent of recovering some of the funds they wasted on Crist’s campaign. The Hill has the details here.

The item description paints quite a portrait of its own. Check out this excerpt:

Privately Commissioned, High Quality, One of a Kind, Genuine Oil Painting on Fine Linen Canvas

Canvas is naturally sensitive to changes of temperature and humidity, just as the Charlie Crist’s political convictions are subject to fluctuations in poll numbers.

Depending upon variety of conditions, the stretch canvas may periodically lose and regain tautness, much like Charlie Crist periodically loosens or regains positions on a variety of issues.

Ornate gold frame made of manufactured wood, similar to the fabricated conservative values of the politician depicted within.

I laughed, I cried, I threw up a little, I took a break, I had a glass of water, I laughed .. it was an eventful trip. The only downside to this awesome auction is that, if you win, you actually get that painting. I can picture it now, enshrined above a tanning bed somewhere, its eyes questioning your every credit card purchase.

If you bid on the auction, let me know in the comments. Because I have some toast that looks like Elvis and we should talk.