than actually thinking about what goes on in that environment — so is throwing money at them. You’re right on the money regarding what causes these vicious cycles — and the solution to that problem of deteriorating family units is one that government largely cannot provide. The government simply cannot take the place of the family, or enable the family to come together in a cohesive fashion: that is completely up to individuals.

Personally? I support contraceptives: I think they’re a great way to make sure that you’re not bringing a life into this world that you’re not prepared to take care of responsibly, even if you’re thinking in the context of a married couple. However, I support contraceptives precisely because I believe that a parent shouldn’t be punishing his or her child by raising them poorly or abandoning them — not because I think that the child is punishing his or her mother and father.

and it is healthy for dads to be involved in their daughters’ lives, and to be able to impart wisdom about the male gender (and that perspective) to their progeny. However, the relationship between family members is a unique case precisely because of the bonds formed, and the responsibility that the members of the family feel towards one another — these unique features make the family a safe and appropriate place for these discussions to happen without it being in bad taste.

I understand what you mean about men and women being different, and have no problem with gender-specific advice — I allude to that above when referencing the mostly good job that the Christian community does among its population of being discreet with such matters, and providing fora for the specific genders. I don’t generally think it’s helpful to introduce the opposite gender to that discussion outside of very personal contexts. All men and women should be taught to treat each other decently — and all are responsible for the choices that they make and the consequences of those choices — no ifs, ands, or buts! The way that we communicate this to each gender might be different, or the emphasis given — but we can do this without compromising the need for both males and females to take responsibility for their actions.

Men cannot be taught that they are nothing more than a bunch of hormones that women must keep under sexual control, and women must not be taught that they are obligated to attend or respond to mens’ lusts in any way. These ideas justify far too many behaviors with the catch-all phrase “boys will be boys”, or make a false equivalence with responsible (but attractive!) femininity, and truly wanton behavior on the part of the fairer sex. At the extreme end, these beliefs lead to a slackened awareness of (and concern for) men sexually abusing women, or harmful codependent behaviors. Both masculinity and femininity suffer when these ideas are inculcated in them, IMO.

Sex and the rules surrounding it are somewhat arbitrary to navigate: many common-sense guidelines that are learned from experience seem absurd, vestigial, or irrational to someone with no experience on these issues, or to people who haven’t, for whatever reason, developed good discernment. Since it’s a touchy subject (especially at the onset of puberty) with lots of emotions wrapped up in it, approaching it in the right way is difficult. I can tell you right now that there’s a much higher chance of me receiving and taking seriously well-intentioned advice on the subject from a guy at the “clubhouse” than I can from a woman, or in a mixed-gender context. This doesn’t just apply to Christians: in society at large, a guy is going to be more receptive to relationship advice at a bar with his (male) friends, camping (surprisingly), or other “guy” activities, than elsewhere. From general observation, the same seems to be true of women, as well.

Time, place, tact, and messenger are the difference between creepy weirdo obsessed with the particulars of your sex life, and meaningful advice received in the spirit that it was given.

Thus endeth this week’s “Ask aesthete anything” relationship and sex advice column. Tune in next time for his politically-incorrect views on divorce!