[image via NY Magazine]
Of the many and varied examples of outlandishness from our President, Obama's recent assertion that he will allow Gulf drilling only if [we are ensured of] no more spills cannot go unmocked. In a private email exchange, I was offered this observation:
Let's shut down coal operations until we can tell the American people that the recent tragic loss of 26 miners will not be repeated. I just put my daughter on a plane. Shouldn't we form a government commission and charge them with guaranteeing no more fatal plane crashes? Then there are railroad crossings... interstate highways... bridge and building construction...climbing on ladders... swimming...
I'm past the point of being surprised any more by some of the drivel that comes out of the White House, but it still needs mentioning, from time to time, just how foolish he's making himself (and the country he's been hired to lead) look when he comes up with some of these whoppers. So...with that in mind, I solicited some friends for their help on finishing this sentence:
"Obama Can Only Go On Being President If He Ensures No More..."
... and got a pretty decent list of responses. I ranked them, and present to you here the Top 10 responses in Letterman-esque fashion. Enjoy, and feel free to add your own if we missed any...but keep it clean-this is a Family-Oriented site!
# 10. ... press secretaries pair lavender with pink on days other than Easter.
# 9. ... wearing of the stupid flag pin...you're not fooling anybody, sir.
# 8. ... appointments of Attorney Generals who can’t read.
# 7. ... pollution from products made BY, or financial losses FROM, Government Motors.
# 6. ... clinging to his (political) guns and religion (of state).
# 5. ... apologizing to the rest of the world on America's behalf.
# 4. ... deaths at military training fatalities.
# 3. ... disavowment of American exceptionalism.
# 2. ... increases to the deficit.
And the number one response:
"Obama Can Only Go On Being President If He Ensures No More...Soldier deaths when they fight wars.
Below the fold are the honorable mentions, and the randomly ordered responses to "Obama Can Only Go On Being President If He..."
Honorable mentions first. Obama Can Only Go On Being President If He Ensures No More...
… ensures no more armpit spillage from his woman’s tight dresses.
… ensures no more illegal aliens enter the country.
… defecation by foreign dignitaries on America's front lawn.
Now, for "Obama can only remain President if he…"
… makes good on his promise to buy me a pony.
… legally changes his name to "Unicorn Man.”
... finally realizes that he is supposed to be the leader for ALL Americans, no matter their skin color, no matter their political affiliation.
… disavows all past and present associations with marxists, socialists, union leaders, communists, America-hating thugs, including those foreign leaders who have expressed hatred for this country.
… continues to hilariously piss off Helen Thomas in every presser.
… submits to a full psych eval by a psychiatrist of our choice.
… opens his records to prove his fitness for office (and I don't mean birth certificate, I mean his other records, schools, voting, etc.).
… apologize to all the people whom he called a sexual slur (tea bagger).
… takes a lie detector test and passes.
… guarantees military action with regard to Iran and expresses his complete and unwavering support for Israel, including supporting their right to defend themselves as they see fit.
… legally changes his name to "Unicorn Man.”
… fires every cabinet member and every czar, and starts the nomination process over for every new cabinet position.
… breaks all ties with ACORN, SEIU, and all their subgroups, renames, and partners.
… undoes, in total, the GM and Chrysler deals, taking away the assets he gave to the unions and leaving ownership wherever the contractual obligations would have put it.
… (1) repeals Healthcare. This is quite a stretch but so is the premise "Obama can go on being President" for me so... In the imaginary world we are creating here all he has to do is say "We made a mistake, it’s too expensive and has revealed too many unintended consequences already. It was a nice idea but a bad idea at this juncture.”
… (2) stimulates the economy via tax cuts and pro business incentives. Just as far a reach as the first but... Slash the Capitol Gains and all stifling taxes and fees to American business, small, large and otherwise. A moratorium on Federal withholding for a minimum of three months, six would be better. Completely drop the threats of Card Check and Crap and Tax, reassure American business that those doomsday machines will NOT be brought to the floor under any name or disguise.
… (3) returns GM, Chrysler, Lehman Bros and all other TARP recipients/Govt Takeover sufferers to the vicious vagaries of Capitalism and allows them to sink or swim.
… (4) ties Federal Gov't employee and Department reductions to the economic recovery. With each percentage point of recovery resulting from #2 above reduce Federal Gov't employees and bureaucratic offices/departments by the same percentage.
… (5) "lowers his flags and ..."
[haystack's note: The remainder of this is better left unsaid here so there won't be anyone getting all riled up about implied or suggested violence. Here is the link to the quote from a movie the passion of which this passage intended to convey.]
Have at it folks-add your own (again, keep it clean and non-violent...otherwise the Black Helicopters will start showing up en masse :) )