President Obama gave his farewell speech from McCormick Place in Chicago tonight, and, if you were hoping for a different tone, less lecturing, and less division from someone who is leaving his party decimated after having eight years – EIGHT YEARS – in the White House, well, you would be mistaken.

The biggest change from his State of the Union speeches was that he was on time and spoke for less than an hour.

He started out with a recitation of purported accomplishments:

“If I had told you eight years ago that America would reverse a great recession, reboot our auto industry, and unleash the longest stretch of job creation in our history…if I had told you that we would open up a new chapter with the Cuban people, shut down Iran’s nuclear weapons program without firing a shot, and take out the mastermind of 9/11…if I had told you that we would win marriage equality, and secure the right to health insurance for another 20 million of our fellow citizens — you might have said our sights were set a little too high.”

If you had done these things, we might have said you were a success. Especially if “open up a new chapter with the Cuban people” meant that the Communist government was completely finished and free markets and democracy had taken its place.

He described how he sees America today. And if you have access to very potent, mind-altering prescription drugs, you might see it that way too:

“Today, the economy is growing again; wages, incomes, home values, and retirement accounts are rising again; poverty is falling again. The wealthy are paying a fairer share of taxes even as the stock market shatters records. The unemployment rate is near a ten-year low. The uninsured rate has never, ever been lower. Health care costs are rising at the slowest rate in fifty years.”

Poverty falling? Health care costs are rising at the slowest rate in fifty years? I suppose my 400 percent increase in health insurance premium is an anomaly?

But wait, the lecture is coming.

But we’re not where we need to be. All of us have more work to do. After all, if every economic issue is framed as a struggle between a hardworking white middle class and undeserving minorities, then workers of all shades will be left fighting for scraps while the wealthy withdraw further into their private enclaves.

Who’s framing every economic struggle as a racial one? You are, Obama. You are, Democrats.

Oh, and did you know he’s kept terrorist attacks from affecting our homeland?

“Because of the extraordinary courage of our men and women in uniform, and the intelligence officers, law enforcement, and diplomats who support them, no foreign terrorist organization has successfully planned and executed an attack on our homeland these past eight years…”

Tell that to the people in San Bernardino, in Boston, in Fort Lauderdale…

Thankfully, we don’t have to hear any more of his reality-detached drivel.