No, I never thought that I'd have the opportunity to write that out, either. But apparently this is the world that we live in, now:
Hawaii senator Brian Schatz involved in simulated sheep rape rituals
U.S. Senator Brian Schatz once led a fraternity that got into trouble with the law and animal welfare groups for threatening to sodomize a sheep.
One of the fraternity brothers involved in the incident claimed at the time that no actual sheep were sodomized in said ritual; and in truth I will be willing enough to accept a denial on Senator Brian Schatz's (D, Hawaii) part. An explicit denial. As in, While I admit that there was in fact an official investigation along these lines, I have in fact never in my life [expletive deleted]ed a sheep.
And then we can all put this unfortunate incident behind us.
Moe Lane (crosspost)
PS: As near as I can tell: yes, Senator Brian Schatz (D, Hawaii) would have participated in a ritual where he would have had to decide whether joining his fraternity was worth [expletive deleted]ing a sheep.
PPS I'm sorry! This HAPPPENED! I can't not write about this! I'm only flesh and blood!
PPPS: The subtitle is, of course, a classical reference.