Evidently, not only are Democrats not creating or saving jobs, but it appears as if they are in cahoots to put The Onion out of business. You see, it is impossible to satirize people who are self-parodies themselves. The latest example is Alvin Greene, the current Democrat candidate for Senator in South Carolina, who recently announced in an interview with The Guardian his plan to bring jobs to my home state of South Carolina. His candidacy itself is schadenfreude-licious, but he somehow managed to make it even more so, with his grand job creation idea, as follows:

Said Greene: “Another thing we can do for jobs is make toys of me, especially for the holidays. Little dolls. Me. Like maybe little action dolls. Me in an army uniform, air force uniform, and me in my suit. They can make toys of me and my vehicle, especially for the holidays and Christmas for the kids. That’s something that would create jobs. So you see I think out of the box like that. It’s not something a typical person would bring up. That’s something that could happen, that makes sense. It’s not a joke.”

Oh, dear. Bless his heart! Do you know what the worst part is, though? The saddest part is that Alvin Greene’s job creation idea is still better than any that President Obama, or any of the current Democratic leaders, have offered.

At least toy making jobs actually exist, unlike Obama’s nebulously defined, phantom “green jobs”. And what is Obama’s plan for job recovery? To go out and talk about how super his “Recovery Act”, also known as the boondoggle stimulus package, really is.

President Barack Obama and his team are trying to sell Americans on an economic recovery this summer, but the economy is stubbornly refusing to cooperate.

Obama and his Cabinet officials will fan out across the country over the next few days to spread the message to voters about how effective their $787 billion recovery plan has been, an effort they’re calling “recovery summer.”

To be fair, at least they are creating and saving a few teleprompter operator jobs. Sure, the economy isn’t cooperating, but that’s really our own fault, explained by Dean Baker of the Center for Economic and Policy Research:

Obama and his team did not do a strong job of communicating the necessity of the steps they took, and they have not been effective in convincing the country the situation would be much worse had Obama not pressed forward with his stimulus, he said.

“People don’t understand what the stimulus is about,” said Baker, who advocated for a more robust stimulus package. “He just really lost that debate.

You see, we are just too stupid to understand that it’s actually awesome.  Jobs Shmobs. It’s nuanced! We rubes just don’t get that. Much like how we must not understand Nancy Pelosi’s brilliant grasp of economics.

Let me say that unemployment insurance… is one of the biggest stimuluses (sic) to our economy. Economists will tell you, this money is spent quickly. It injects demand into the economy, and it’s job creating. It creates jobs faster than almost any other initiative you can name.

Um. What? How on earth does she keep a straight face saying things like that? Oh, yeah. The botox thing. Which makes sense now. It’s sort of a job requirement for her. Speaker Pelosi, I’m no economics expert but I’m pretty sure that the people collecting unemployment checks are not using that money to start up small businesses and hire people. You see, Speaker Pelosi, if you want to create jobs, the people who actually create jobs need money. Hey, you know what does that? Those icky capital gains tax cuts.

Obama promised a “laser like focus on jobs”. Sure. If by laser like, he meant utterly incompetent and inept.