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Happy New Year, everyone! In the spirit of that brave soul who crawls from bed, hungover, unsure of the day except that it probably isn't Christmas oh God no wait what happened last night there were those little drinks -- and then actually stands up to make a promise that this will never happen again and actually believes it, we are pleased to present to you our 2016 Predictions, brought to you by experts who should know better, which is to say, the RedState staff. Notable by their absence are those who didn't want to open their eyes this morning.

With that out of the way, our categories are:

  • Who will win the Super Bowl? Against whom?
  • How many states will Donald Trump win in the Republican primaries?
  • Will Bernie Sanders win New Hampshire?
  • Who will win the GOP nomination?
  • How many seats will the GOP gain/lose in the Senate/House in 2016?
  • First celebrity of the new year to get arrested?

And the flag drops!

Neil Stevens (@presjpolk)

  • Who will win the Super Bowl? Against whom?
    • The Argonauts over the Isotopes.
  • How many states will Donald Trump win in the Republican primaries?
    • 3.
  • Will Bernie Sanders win New Hampshire?
    • Yes.
  • Who will win the GOP nomination?
    • Rubio.
  • How many seats will the GOP gain/lose in the Senate/House in 2016?
    • -3 House, -1 Senate.
  • First celebrity of the new year to get arrested?
    • Charlie Sheen

(Neil loses on the tiebreaker by not giving the total Argonauts-Isotopes score.)

Moe Lane (@moelane)

  • Who will win the Super Bowl? Against whom?
    • The Washington Redskins will be in the Super Bowl. Whether or not they win, and against whom, is irrelevant when compared to the sight of numerous pundits and sports personalities visibly struggling to avoid saying the words "Washington Redskins."
  • How many states will Donald Trump win in the Republican primaries?
    • Donald Trump will not win a single state in the Republican primaries.  So everybody is now free to go ahead and make the joke "Well, now he'll win all of them."
  • Will Bernie Sanders win New Hampshire?
    • Bernie Sanders will not win New Hampshire. If Team Clinton has to pull another Chappaquiddick, they will.
  • Who will win the GOP nomination?
    • The GOP nomination will be won by the most reactionary, right-wing, racist, sexist, heteronormative, cis-gendered, anti-science bigot the world has ever seen.  At least, that's what the papers will say.  Especially after the Republican wins in November.
  • How many seats will the GOP gain/lose in the Senate/House in 2016?
    • The GOP will lose five seats in the House, because we're out of seats to win and there's always attrition. We will probably stand pat in the Senate, but that reflects us picking up CO or NV and I will not say who is the most vulnerable GOP Senator.
  • First celebrity of the new year to get arrested?
    • Justin Bieber may be the easy bet for first celebrity arrest, but I'm going to go with it anyway.  The kid is on a high-flying self-destructive arc that I normally only associate with New York politicians.

Caleb Howe (@CalebHowe)

  • Who will win the Super Bowl? Against whom?
    • The Carolina Panthers. Against SPOILERS.
  • How many states will Donald Trump win in the Republican primaries?
    • None. No wait, all. Wait ... does it count if the state self-destructs?
  • Will Bernie Sanders win New Hampshire?
    • Bernie doesn't "win" states, he spreads them around to each candidate, according to their needs. ... And man, does he need it.
  • Who will win the GOP nomination?
    • So far it looks like "The Democrats"
  • How many seats will the GOP gain/lose in the Senate/House in 2016?
    • Who can say? I don't expect America to survive that long, what with all the self-destruction and redistribution and Mark Ruffalo.
  • First celebrity of the new year to get arrested?
    • Erick Erickson. For refusing to bake a cake for Trump and Sanders.

(Note that the Super Bowl answer is Caleb's every year, which makes it unlikely to be correct this year latae sententiae.)

Dan Spencer (@Right_Examiner)

  • Who will win the Super Bowl? Against whom?
    • The Panthers will beat the Patriots because Cam Newton.
  • How many states will Donald Trump win in the Republican primaries?
    • Trump will win 10 states.
  • Will Bernie Sanders win New Hampshire?
    • Socialist Bernie Sanders will win New Hampshire.
  • Who will win the GOP nomination?
    • [mc_name name='Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX)' chamber='senate' mcid='C001098' ] will win the Republican presidential nomination.
  • How many seats will the GOP gain/lose in the Senate/House in 2016?
    • The GOP will gain five House seats and lose one Senate seat in 2016
  • First celebrity of the new year to get arrested?
    • Caitlyn Marie Jenner will be the first celebrity to be arrested in 2016.

Jake Walker (@Jake_W)

  • Who will win the Super Bowl? Against whom?
    • The Cardinals beat the Patriots. The Cards might be the best team in football, and their defense could give Brady fits. The final score will be fairly close though. Something like 31-27 or so.
  • How many states will Donald Trump win in the Republican primaries?
    • I'm just going to take a wild guess here, but somewhere between 5-10. If he has staying power beyond February, I expect to be proven wrong.
  • Will Bernie Sanders win New Hampshire?
    • Yes, but he won't win much beyond that. Hillary is just too powerful. The field and powers that be are too stacked in her favor.
  • Who will win the GOP nomination?
    • [mc_name name='Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL)' chamber='senate' mcid='R000595' ], but I wouldn't be surprised if it's Trump or Cruz.
  • How many seats will the GOP gain/lose in the Senate/House in 2016?
    • I think we will lose about 10 in the House and 1-3 in the Senate.

Sara Gonzales (@HowSaraRolls)

  • Who will win the Super Bowl? Against whom?
    • I'm going to say the Panthers will beat the Pats, although this is mostly because I can never in good conscience root for Tom Brady.  Could be Arizona in there instead, but I think Cam Newton will find a way.
  • How many states will Donald Trump win in the Republican primaries?
    • I refuse to believe he will win any. His supporters probably cannot comprehend enough to make it to the polling places and cast their votes.  I HAVE TO KEEP MY FAITH IN HUMANITY HERE.  Look, it could happen.  If he doesn't win in Iowa and New Hampshire (this is possible), momentum will be lost, then others will start dropping out and I don't think their supporters will turn to Trump.  I'm hopelessly optimistic, sometimes to a fault.
  • Will Bernie Sanders win New Hampshire?
    • Yes.
  • Who will win the GOP nomination?
    • Rubio
  • How many seats will the GOP gain/lose in the Senate/House in 2016?
    • I say they lose 6 in the House and 2 in the Senate but maintain overall majority.
  • First celebrity of the new year to get arrested?
    • Hillary Clinton, I hope.

Kimberly Ross (@SouthernKeeks)

  • Who will win the Super Bowl? Against whom?
    • It's difficult for me to say, because I don't watch, or like, the NFL. As usual, my favorite part will be looking up from whatever else I've chosen to occupy those precious hours in order to watch the commercials.
  • How many states will Donald Trump win in the Republican primaries
    • I wouldn't be surprised if he wins a handful of states, but I don't predict a huge sweep or anything. He is popular to be sure, but can that popularity translate into a huge number of votes, or is his base eager to sing his praise on social media but not make an impact at the polls? Is the media's obsession with him blowing his actual support out of proportion? We'll find out not long after the primary season begins.
  • Will Bernie Sanders win New Hampshire?
    • The vote will be close in New Hampshire between Sanders and Clinton, but I think Clinton will ultimately pull off a victory and win there. She won the N.H. primary in 2008 against Obama, and her husband has had success there, too. The state is hers to lose.
  • Who will win the GOP nomination?
    • At this point, with a long way yet to go, my guess is Ted Cruz. I don't see Donald Trump, the unserious - yet entertaining - candidate winning the nomination. Cruz is currently the closest to him in the polls and in reality, is the top serious candidate at the moment.
  • How many seats will the GOP gain/lose in the Senate/House in 2016?
    • The Republicans will keep control of the House easily. The Democrats would need to pick up a ridiculous amount of seats to overtake them. I don't see that being an issue there. Not so sure about the Senate, however, since the GOP has 24 incumbents up for reelection compared to only 10 Democrats. They got slaughtered by the "red wave" of the midterms, so that may result in a more favorable outcome in 2016 as they're fired up and looking to win the round. I can see a GOP House and Democratic Senate, unfortunately. More do-nothing Congress in the future.
  • First celebrity of the new year to get arrested?
    • I'm hoping for Kanye West or one of the Kardashian clan to win this title, but it will probably be some drunk NFL or NBA player causing problems in the wee hours of the morning on New Year's Day.

Thomas (@ThomasHCrown)

  • Who will win the Super Bowl? Against whom?
    • It's not the Dolphins, so as long as it's not the Patriots, all will be well.
  • How many states will Donald Trump win in the Republican primaries?
    • 2.
  • Will Bernie Sanders win New Hampshire?
    • I'm torn. On the one hand, New Hampshire is for losers, which makes a Sanders win incredibly likely. On the other hand, the pretentious SOBs think they matter somehow, so they tend to suddenly turn serious before picking the Democrat loser. Given the heavy hand of loserism, I say yes.
  • Who will win the GOP nomination?
    • Marco Rubio, if he lasts through South Carolina. Dude best learn a ground game, though.
  • How many seats will the GOP gain/lose in the Senate/House in 2016?
    • -5 House, -2 Senate.
  • First celebrity of the new year to get arrested?
    • Lindsay Lohan begins her comeback bid NOW.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Image Copyright Tyler, via Flickr, on a Creative Commons License