The Christmas Season Is Upon Us!
With Thanksgiving behind us, we’re finally entering what used to be the traditional Christmas season. By “traditional,” I mean, of course, before the Christmas shopping advertising started the week after Labor Day. So, for a moment, let’s stop worrying about the bad things and focus on some of the good.
Of course, with the Christmas season upon us, we get to deal with everything that goes with it, including the endless spate of “100 (or 500, or 10) best gifts for your husband/wife/otherkin soulmate” articles. Lots of us bemoan the commercialization of such holidays, and articles like these don't help that situation any.
I won’t speak for best gifts for husbands, or for otherkin/soulmates, or any of the other relationships that may obtain in this day and age, as I don’t have a husband, and otherkin/soulmate, or any of the other various things. I do have a wife, and I do have some thoughts on what might make a good gift for a wife.
Many women (and men, to be fair) like shiny things, and that’s held up by the number of ads at this time of year for jewelry. And that’s fine; there’s nothing wrong with shiny things. To my very good fortune, I am married to a woman for whom I can buy birthday and Christmas presents at Cabela’s or Bass Pro Shops, knowing she will be delighted, but not every woman has those preferences, so instead, I’ll recommend some more intangible and yes longer-lasting gifts for your wife, gifts that last a lifetime, gifts that no one will ever be able to take away. What's great about these gifts? They are not tangible; they can't be weighed or measured and will never be put away in a drawer to gather dust. They are gifts that last a lifetime, gifts that bring value for young, middle-aged, and older couples, and best of all, these gifts, if given in good faith, will be returned in kind.
A Home
By “a home,” I don’t necessarily mean “a house.” A home may be a house in the woods, it may be a condo in a big city, or it may be a double-wide in a trailer park. The form of the thing doesn’t matter nearly as much as the nature of the thing. Home should be a place of security, safety, relaxed meals, kids playing, elders reminiscing, and lives lived. A home is a place where love is; the rest is just detail.
Security
Security comes in many forms, and all of them apply. Physical security, financial security, and security in the soundness of the relationship. The primary purpose of a man, after all, is to care for, provide for, and protect his family. Take care of that, and many other things will take care of themselves.
A Family
Normally (and traditionally), this means children and grandchildren, but you can have family while childless; family is a support system. People are wired to surround themselves with people they trust, people they are comfortable with, and people who are with them throughout all the stages of life. That’s family, and it’s hard to have a life without that.
Support
Like security, support takes many forms. But at its core, a man provides support in the form of a stable, comfortable life for his wife and his family. It means planning, preparing for the bad times, saving for retirement, and planning for the raising and education of children. Women, yes, can have careers, and many should, but when the kaka hits the oscillator, and someone needs to be willing to go shovel manure if that is what it takes to put dinner on the table, well, that’s what a man does.
Trust
To gain trust, you must be trustworthy. That means that if you go on a business trip, your wife shouldn’t be worried about what you might get up to in the evenings. Honesty and ethics are vital; one should never do when alone, anything one wouldn’t do in front of one’s wife or family. Trust is the greatest gift you can give in a marriage, save one:
Love
None of the above means anything without this.
A man’s wife should be the center of his world, the great shining star at the center of his existence, the pivot on which his life turns.
In 1814, writing of Anne Beatrix Wilmot, Lord Byron wrote:
She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
That’s a good way for a man to look at his wife. Love, the kind of love that endures, that outlasts trials and tribulations, that lasts through children born and children grown, careers started and ended, and on into those long, happy golden years – that is a prize beyond price, the greatest gift one can give, and the only gift one can give someone and still have.
Best of all, it’s not bound to a season. It’s year-round.
