With a Bensonhurst, New York Italian delivery:

Oh, Alyssa
A hug and a kissa
But why must you do something stupid as thissa?

What once was a cute teenage girl representing her generation as they went through the growing pains of life is now a genial memory of colorful-sweater’d Big Bopper pages currently representing, well, doofiness.

🙁

I’ve lamented Alyssa Milano’s contemporary transition before: earlier in the year, the millionaire-times-ten showed up with armed bodyguards to protest your right to own a firearm; at another point, as I covered — and please check out the article — she championed the hope that one day, women will have Constitutional rights via the ERA (hint: they already do). Despite this, I hold to hope — I believe all those cells in her sweet head can come together and think informed and acute thoughts (they already don’t).

Join Alyssa in mourning the fact that women have no rights:

Oh, Samantha.

Hence, a Tuesday night tweet, possibly made between looking stylish and dreaming up the next design for her great pro sports clothing line (which, it seems to me, counts as a much better investment of her time).

As a prelude to her Twitter debacle, Republican candidate Troy Balderson looked to be besting Democrat Danny O’Connor in Ohio, as part of a special congressional election for the 12th District. The New York Times reported Wednesday that 3,435 ballots had yet to be counted. The Green Party’s Joe Manchik scored around 1,100 votes.

At about 8pm Tuesday, Alyssa took to the airwaves to drop some science:

“You know what sucks? Because of our unwillingness to pass policy that protects our election integrity, I immediately think the Green Party votes tonight are Russian meddling. Why else would anyone cast a protest vote in Ohio when there’s so much at stake? #OH12”

A few thoughts come to mind:

  • That’s kind of a slap in the face to Joe Manchik. I mean, he’s already had a tough enough life: imagine growing up as a guy with the last name “Man Chick.”
  • Would Alyssa be lamenting Putin’s supposed maniacal interest in Ohio if the Democrat were in the lead?
  • I like Alyssa Milano.
  • I like Alyssa Milano.
  • I like Alyssa Milano.

Sometimes, people wanna change the world. And sometimes, they try in the wrong ways. And sometimes — though rare — they’re a really cool girl from Bensonhurst, New York who graced the walls of many 80’s adolescents’ rooms. And sometimes, they keep getting a pass from conservative writers who can’t help but like them. That does happen sometimes. At least, that’s what I’ve heard. Sometimes.

In fact, recently.

 

Thank you for reading!

Please check out my other stuff — like pieces on the end of Miss America, Roseanne and evil Sarah Palin, and jockeys in panties.

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