Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has come upon a novel concept for the United States. Had any American before her conceived of it, all this time, our nation would been outta sight, Jack!

The idea? Everything will be free!

Just imagine: a steak dinner? Free. Those $200 shoes? Free. That Master’s degree? Free. The house on the corner? Free.

Free, free, free, free, free, free FREE!!!!

YAY!!!!!!!!

Why have all the capitalist meanies been making us PAY for stuff all this time????

The only bump Ocasio-Cortez needs to get over is the question of how to pay all, from all, to all, for all…so that all can be free.

That’s the only thing.

So far, this is what Alexandria (who has a really cool name) has figured out:

Yes — gloss over that question entirely: what happens after you seize the means of production?

As for the question of how to pay for her plan, unfortunately for Ocasio-Cortez (about whom I also wrote here), “As though they haven’t…used these same ways to pay for unlimited wars” is not a satisfactory answer.

By the way, what are the “unlimited” wars?

One fantastic thing, apparently, is that 28-year-old Alexandria sees things a whole bunch of much older voters and lawmakers and economic theorists can’t see:

“Perhaps they don’t even see it.”

Well. That explains it.

Thankfully, coming up with all the money to pay for all the things with all the things that it will take to come up with all the money can be summed up thusly:

“It is because there’s this really myopic and also, just misunderstanding of politics as this flat, two-dimensional left-right thing.”

Right. There ya go.

Not convinced that left-right farsightedness generates trillions to pay trillions for trillions for people from people who don’t have trillions to generate trillions, conservative pundit Ben Shapiro has put in a generous offer: he’ll pay AOC $10,000 (maybe she can put that aside to buy me my free house) for an interview. Shapiro would love to debate the socialist, and he’ll either hand her the cash or donate to her favorite charity (I assume it won’t be one that gifts free calculators to school children, so they can grow up and vote her out of office).

WATCH:

Sounds great!

So far, there’s been no response. Still, we can cross our fingers and hope.

Oh — and meanwhile, Ben also said this:

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is that.

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For something totally different, please check out my articles on pregnant women rescued by Obamacare, November and the Fonz, and mariachi parties at the White House.

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