Wow. That didn’t take long.

Remember Whitey Bulger, the Boston mobster legend upon whom they based Jack Nicholson’s character in The Departed?

If you haven’t seen that movie, I highly suggest that you do.

Or remember Whitey Bulger, the Boston mobster legend about whom they made that Johnny Depp movie Black Mass?

If you haven’t seen that movie, I highly recommend you see The Departed. And also, Multiplicity. And in addition, Goodfellas. And Up! (I cried three times). And Star Wars. And Raiders of the Lost Ark. And then if one day you don’t have a lot going on, maybe watch Black Mass.

Anyway, that guy — Whitey Bulger — who was so feared…isn’t as feared now, on account of him bein’ dead.

On his very first day at his new prison — the U.S. Penitentiary Hazelton in Bruceton Mills, West Virginia — he got done-in by some of his fellow residents.

In the view of Dick Lehr, author of Whitey: The Life of America’s Most Notorious Mob Boss, it’s poetic:

“He lived violently, and he apparently died violently. … It marks the full circle of a terrible life.”

In case you’re reading this and you’re a Bulger associate, I’m not sayin’ it’s poetic; I don’t know nothin’ ’bout ‘nothin. I’m just repeatin’ what I heard.

For sixteen years, Whitey avoided discovery by federal investigators. In June of 2011, he was captured about thirty minutes from where I live, for those of you who’ve been here. Which, so far as I know, is mostly none of you.

In 2013, he was sentenced to two life terms in prison for his role in 11 murders (among other crimes), committed from 1973 through 1985.

Oh, and he was also given five years, and you know that had to hurt. The five were for running a criminal enterprise which, in the opinion of a federal judge, engaged in “unfathomable” acts of the sinister kind.

His cohabitating girlfriend (yes — he was living in sin!) at the time of his arrest, Catherine Greig, was given eight years of federal detention for identity fraud and helping Whitey evade authorities.

The couple hailed from Santa Monica as Charlie and Carol Gasko. Bulger later described it as “a 16-year honeymoon.” You really wouldn’t expect megalomaniacal sociopathic killers to be especially romantic, but I guess everybody wants some lovin’.

Whitey got the opposite of love around 8:20 Tuesday morning, when the 89-year-old was found unresponsive.

Bulger — whose mobster club was labeled the Winter Hill Gang (like the Sugar Hill Gang?), was transferred to Hazelton Monday from an Oklahoma prison for undisclosed medical reasons. Before Oklahoma, he’d been locked up in Sumterville, Florida.

According to TMZ, Bulger was wheeled into a corner of a room, out of range of a surveillance camera. He was then given a beatdown by three guys, courtesy of a padlock in a sock. One inmate tried to gouge out his eyes with a shiv, which, as per TMZ, is very much 1940’s old-school mob-hit style. Eye-gouging is done to snitches, of which Whitey was indeed one, for the FBI, for years.

However his end came about, surely the Left is ecstatic over the news. Because — as we all know — there is nothing…NOTHING more evil…than whitey.

 

See 3 more pieces from me: bursting your balloon, Bill Maher explaining free speech, and the hardships of snow.

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