The term “actress-turned-activist” no doubt causes a flinch or two among Americans halfway aware of…well…anything.

Get ready to spaz out.

In case you missed it, on Wednesday, Who’s the Boss starlet Alyssa Milano tried to really put it to Education Secretary Betsy DeVoss by way of a Dr. Seuss Christmas-style spoof about proposed changes to public universities’ relationship with sexual impropriety among its students.

Before we go further, I should remind you that everyone should #BelieveAllWomen.

But not if — as it turns out — they’re Betsy DeVoss.

You see, when it comes to consistency, it’s better just to think of it as magic. You don’t have to believe any woman who disagrees, but you have to believe all women who don’t disagree…with Alyssa Milano?

Anyway, cute Alyssa teamed up with that other bastion of great political insight, Cosmopolitan magazine. Because what the world needs so much more of is people and things that have — and know — nothing to do with politics, telling everyone what they should think about politics.

What happened to the good ol’ days when Cosmo just showed hot chicks, featured cool lipstick, and gave absolutely horrible advice about “what he really wants”?

Tip: If you want to know what men like, consult a men’s magazine; not a women’s one. 

Moving on:

Alyssa cozily sits in a chair in the anti-Betsy video and reads rhyming words from her book, “One ShIXtty Gift.”

Here are a few excerpts:

“Late one evening at the Department of Ed, thoughts were bouncing around Betsy DeVos’s head. She needed a gift, she started to think. A gift for the people that would really stink.”

And here’s the idea:

“All night she stayed up, her mind ablaze; the sh*tty ideas pouring onto the page: No more investigations for off-campus rape; bars and house parties would totally be safe. The meaning of harassment she would remove; squeeze and twist until it was hard to prove. Live hearings where attackers defend their own violence sounded like a good way to keep victims silent.”

Okay — what in the *[email protected]?! is going on?

Why on earth would a school — an institution which knows nothing about criminal investigation — be sticking its nose into any charges of criminal misconduct? That’s a job for law enforcement and the justice system.

And Alyssa wants the Mind Hunters at your local college Sherlock Holmesing it over stuff that happens at nearby bars????

What in the world is happening?

Furthermore, there is nothing wrong with a live hearing where it concerns accusation of terrible crimes.

This is what, it seems, has happened to Alyssa’s thinker: a glitch has set her automatically and adamantly against any and all things by any and all people who are Republican or tied to Republicans.

Come to think of it, I believe this glitch is contagious.

Oh, and by the way: To a degree, crimes should be hard to prove. That’s why it’s called the “burden” of proof.

Apparently, she forgot there’s a thing called the police. And actual law, which Betsy DeVoss doesn’t write. And real courts.

Instead of cogent thoughts cuttin’ a rug in Alyssa’s noggin, it appears there are only sugar plums dancing in her head. ShIXtty ones.

Geez.

Flinch, flinch. Flinch. Flinch. … Flinch.

C’mon, folks!

 

See 3 more pieces from me: gassy children, Kevin’s broken Hart, and Trump vs. GI Jane.

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