At some point in life, you’ve no doubt encountered it. You’d most likely love very much to live without it. You may have had a relationship where you put up with a ton of it. And you probably know some people who are full of it (like here, here, and here).

I’m talking about a substance that’s the new West Coast tumbleweed.

Move over, Rice-A-Roni; turds are the new San Francisco treat.

Thanks to a permissive attitude toward vagrancy in the land of the Golden Gate, homeless is the new residency and outside is the new toilet.

The city’s employed a Poop Patrol — great job, by the way.

“So, handsome, what do you do for a living?”

“Well, I’ve got my hand in a few things. Mostly, I’m in the business of human-feces shoveling. Wanna go out sometime? I couldn’t help but notice you’re wearing sandals; I’m a good person to paint the town with — I know the areas where you’re least likely to get sh** between your toes.”

Business is booming: Since 2011, 118,352 steaming mounds of San Fran lower-intestinal loveliness have been reported to the authorities.

For your benefit, the data company Open the Books has created an interactive map of every place piles have been dropped — each is marked by a brown pin.

Happy navigation, courtesy of America’s premiere stanktuary city.

-Alex

 

Relevant RedState links in this article: here, here, and here.

See 3 more pieces from me: 

Get Over Yourself: On Culture, Entitlement, And Microaggressing Rice

College Administration Tries To Protect Its Precious Innocents From The Dangers Of Snow

Boston Strong Discrimination? City Hall Says ‘No’ To Faith, ‘Yes’ To #Pride

Find all my RedState work here.

And please follow Alex Parker on Twitter and Facebook.

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