At some point in life, you’ve no doubt encountered it. You’d most likely love very much to live without it. You may have had a relationship where you put up with a ton of it. And you probably know some people who are full of it (like here, here, and here).
I’m talking about a substance that’s the new West Coast tumbleweed.
Move over, Rice-A-Roni; turds are the new San Francisco treat.
Thanks to a permissive attitude toward vagrancy in the land of the Golden Gate, homeless is the new residency and outside is the new toilet.
The city’s employed a Poop Patrol — great job, by the way.
“So, handsome, what do you do for a living?”
“Well, I’ve got my hand in a few things. Mostly, I’m in the business of human-feces shoveling. Wanna go out sometime? I couldn’t help but notice you’re wearing sandals; I’m a good person to paint the town with — I know the areas where you’re least likely to get sh** between your toes.”
Business is booming: Since 2011, 118,352 steaming mounds of San Fran lower-intestinal loveliness have been reported to the authorities.
For your benefit, the data company Open the Books has created an interactive map of every place piles have been dropped — each is marked by a brown pin.
Happy navigation, courtesy of America’s premiere stanktuary city.
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