Being on the lam from police can make a person nervous.
But when you’re hiding from cops, every criminal knows there’s one thing you never do.
Every criminal — but one.
This past weekend in Missouri, law enforcement was able to sniff out a suspect wanted for a controlled substance violation.
While hiding — and with cops trying to figure out his location — the subject of the hunt blew it.
Out of his lower intestine, that is.
The Clay County Sheriff’s Dept. posted to Facebook about the incident:
If you’ve got a felony warrant for your arrest, the cops are looking for you and you pass gas so loud it gives up your hiding spot, you’re definitely having a 💩 day. 🚓 #ItHappened
“If you’ve got a felony warrant for your arrest, the cops are looking for you and you pass gas so loud it gives up your hiding spot, you’re definitely having a 💩 day. 🚓 #ItHappened.”
Apparently, despite the charge, his fart was one substance they couldn’t control.
St. Louis’s Fox2 wrote:
Law enforcement in the Northland relied on some basic senses over the weekend to help them track down an alleged criminal.
“We’ve gotta give props to Liberty PD for using their senses to sniff him out!” the Sheriff’s Department told KTVI.
I suppose it’s fitting that the incident occurred in Liberty — in an ironic and poetic twist (of the colon), the perhaps-soon-to-be-jailed suspect gave the fart its freedom.
As the city put it:
“Thanks to @SheriffClayCo for airing out a wanted person’s dirty laundry and fanning the flames.”
Thanks to @SheriffClayCo for airing out a wanted person's dirty laundry and fanning the flames. The Liberty Police Department was surprised to see this incident slip out, which stinks for the arrestee. Fortunately, no one was injured during his arrest #nervousbelly #nocomment https://t.co/mHPoPds3nv
— Liberty Missouri (@LibertyMissouri) July 9, 2019
This isn’t the first time a biscuit of the air variety has made the news. See for yourself:
As for the moral of the story: Remember, kids — when you’re trying to avoid the lurking popo, watch out for APB’s (an Alerting-Police Butt while running from an All Poots Bulletin).
And depending on what you’ve had to eat, beware not only the popo, but that same word with the last two letters reversed. Again — controlling the substance is key.
Find all my RedState work here.
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