Sometimes, ya just gotta have it.
As did a woman in Florida Tuesday, according to a police report.
Here’s the alleged tale:
22-year-old De’Erica Cooks was jonesin’ for a slice.
She asked an unidentified woman for a piece of cheesy, breaded goodness, and the woman replied, “No.”
That was absolutely unacceptable.
I mean extremely unacceptable.
Therefore, according to witnesses, De’Erica responded the normal way: While wielding a steak knife, she declared, “I’m going to cut you.”
As reported by The St. Augustine Record:
The woman who was threatened by Cooks told the [St. Johns Sheriff’s Office] that Cooks then tried to attack her with the knife and that she feared for her life.
A guy present had to go all Little Seize-Her:
A man in the house was able to wrestle the knife away from Cooks…
De’Erica wasn’t going out like that:
[B]ut she grabbed another one, according to the report. Cooks told investigators she does not remember much during her fit of anger, the report states.
De’Erica’s been charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill.
She’s also being charged — by me — with Really, Really Loving Pizza.
If you’d like to invite her over for an extra-large Domino’s, you’re welcome to pony up a grand and a half: She’s being held on $1500 bond.
But a word of advice: Buy her her own extra large; you don’t wanna end up fighting over the last piece.
Don’t make her hangry; you wouldn’t like her when she’s hangry.
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