You know how when you’re injecting your penis and testicles with silicone and you…oh, sorry — I should probably start from the beginning.

Tank Hafertepen was living with his five polyamorous fetishistic boyfriends, including the group’s “master,” Dylan Hafertepen, who dictatorially ruled the submissive “pups.”

Both pup Tank and Master Dylan ran Tumblr accounts chronicling the sack pack’s sexual exploits.

The five bros would lift weights for hours a day, and they’d eat ’til they were stuffed to the gills.

The goal: to get as big as possible.

Unsurprisingly, one critical body part wouldn’t grow from either weights or woofing down whatever.

So they took to alternate means: In order to have the largest genitals possible, the crew would inject their dwarfed delicates with saline, causing a temporary enlargement.

Eventually, they graduated to silicone, resulting in a miracle of agriculture: gargantuan bananas and plums.

Unfortunately, their illegal quest for freakish fruit came at the expense of wellness, and Tank ended up hospitalized.

Things took a truly awful turn.

After spending part of the week in a coma, tragically, he passed away from a pulmonary embolism — a malady which also strikes recipients of the Brazilian butt lift.

To be clear, that isn’t meant to be expressed lightly; life is precious.

And Dylan never notified Tank’s mother, Linda, or his brother, Ben.

In fact, Dylan presented himself as the legal overseer and ordered Tank’s cremation last October.

It wasn’t until a week later that Linda learned of her son’s horrible fate.

Now she and Ben are suing Dylan, as well as pups Matthew Scott, Charles Osborn, Philip Myers, and Daniel Balderas Hafertepen, for wrongful death, negligence, intentional infliction of emotional distress, and civil conspiracy.

Additionally, they’re seeking punitive damages and intend to contest Tank’s will.

The Chapmans are accusing Dylan and his subservients of neglecting their responsibility to care for Tank by making him take the injections.

Here’s a summary from The Daily Beast:

Chapman alleged that Dylan and the pups coerced Tank into inflating his scrotum to “the size of a basketball” through a mix of manipulation and humiliation. Dylan ordered Tank to use steroids to bulk up, degraded him, and forced him to publicly castigate himself for perceived violations of the relationship with Dylan, the complaint states.

There was certainly no question who wore the pants:

As a pup, Tank went to great lengths to demonstrate his devotion to Dylan. He changed his name from Jack Chapman to Tank Heathcliff Hafertepen, thereby adopting his pup name as his legal name to take Dylan’s last name. He emigrated from Australia to the U.S. to join the pups and while in the States tattooed “Property of Master Dylan” on his lower back under Dylan’s astrological sign. His mother alleges Dylan forced him to cut off all contact to family in Australia.

Both Tank and Dylan had acknowledged the dangers of silicone injections on their blogs, but when a reader asked Tank how big he intended for his scrotum to become, he wrote, “Master will decide when enough is enough.”

As per the suit, during periods when the two were broken up, Tank had confided to friends that Dylan abused him, both physically and psychologically.

At one point, Dylan sued Tank for back rent and silicone costs.

In what may have been part of a cover-up, for a while after Tank’s terrible passing, Dylan continued to post on social media as Tank.

And just three weeks before his death, Tank made out a will which left all assets to Dylan, including $200,000 from Tank’s father.

Linda claims Tank had planned to leave the cash to his autistic brother.

It’s always truly ugly when family and lovers sue.

Hopefully, this tragic story will serve as a warning to others wanting to drastically prove their loyalty to a mate — developing a ball sack worthy of the NBA certainly makes a statement, but no basketball-sized I Love You is worth risking your health.

-ALEX

 

Find all my RedState work here.

And please follow Alex Parker on Twitter and Facebook.

Thank you for reading! Please sound off in the Comments section below.