You can’t catch him — he’s the Gingerbread Man.
Or Gingerbread Woman.
You can’t catch xer, xe’s the Gingerbread They.
Has it always stuck in your craw that the cookie who’d been heated in an oven and was running for his life to keep from being turned into digested goo was a guy?
Did the stench of the patriarchy regarding a baked good that was destined for soggy destruction as soon as it met water leave you utterly disturbed?
If so, you’re in luck this Christmas. There’ll be no ruined yuletide for you, thanks to Target’s new gender-inclusive Gingerbread
Womxn Front Hole Owner:
Introducing the new "Gender Inclusive Gingerbread" Christmas sweater at Target: pic.twitter.com/LmcIvBaDMy
— Paul Bois (@PaulBois39) November 12, 2019
For the low price of $29.99, you can wear a cookie that not only isn’t anatomically correct but also is politically correct.
No male white supremacy here — the genderqueer sweet confection is clearly a brown person of color.
In fact, come to think of it, he always was. But I guess there was still room for improvement.
I will say, though, with all due respect to the “inclusive” concept, the cookie still looks more like a guy — it’s got a thin torso, huge arms, and no breasts or discernible hair.
So it does beg a question: How explicitly anatomically correct was their cookie sweater before?
Target isn’t the only company woke enough to dump the Gingerbread Man in favor of his woker cousin: As pointed out by The Daily Wire and reported by the Mirror, a cafe in Ackland, New Zealand has done the same, with actual cookies:
When a customer at The Tannery in Auckland questioned why the human-shaped snacks were called “gingerbread men” and not “gingerbread people,” owner Andre Cettina was inspired to make a change.
The label on the jar has now been changed to read “gingerbread gender-neutral person.”
The jar of biscuits on the front counter has caused a stir, with customers taking photos and sharing them on social media, as well as sparking a debate on the cafe’s Facebook page.
Some have even called for a boycott, but the owner’s explained it’s supposed to be funny, and that now more kids are buying the cookies than ever.
One dissatisfied customer marveled, “Soon we won’t be able to use the term human, we’ll all be hupeople.”
They’re probably correct.
Seriously — they are.
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