California police have a dirty job, but somebody’s got to do it.
The Golden State’s boys and girls in blue have to fight callous criminals, dodge bad guys’ bullets, foot-chase fleeing felons, speed after suspects, and make 93-year-olds not sit in chairs.
On Sunday, a man in a badge did his duties for the sake of us all — thanks to West Coast government’s orders.
At a beach in Oxnard, an apparently dastardly elderly couple sat together in folding chairs they’d brought to situate in the sun.
Hence, an officer approached them and explained: If they wanted to enjoy a seaside chat, they’d have to do it sans-chairs. They could put their tookuses into the gritty shoreline dirt or get their butts off the beach. He didn’t say it that way — in fact, he was very nice. But that’s the long and short of the rule.
They were far away from anyone else, but that didn’t matter.
As it turns out, folding chairs suggest you’re gonna be there too long; sitting in the dirt (and to all you Atlantic Ocean folks, that’s what California sand is like) would evidently virtuously certify temporary status.
This happened, as noted by The Daily Wire, two days after a reported 40,000 Southern Californians hit the legally-open coastline in Newport Beach. Around 20,000 had visited Newport the day prior.
Lifeguard Battalion Chief Brian O’Rourke marveled to Fox News, “We’re seeing a huge increase in crowds that we would normally see out here in the middle of the summer.”
Makes sense — sick of being cooped up, folks are coming in from Cali’s closed-beach areas to enjoy a bit of the ol’ life.
In a news briefing Thursday, Gov. Gavin Newsom was good with it:
“People are prone to want to go to the beaches, parks, playgrounds and go on a hike. If it is open, just abide by social distancing.”
He appeared to change his tune Monday, as reported by my colleague Becca Lower:
“This virus doesn’t take the weekends off, this virus doesn’t go home because it’s a beautiful, sunny day along our coast … We can’t see the images like we saw, particularly on Saturday in Newport Beach and elsewhere.”
So let’s crack down, everyone — on that great threat to our public health: apparatuses made for sitting.
On Sunday, the Sheriff’s deputy — on horseback — laid it out:
“We’re not supposed to allow chairs. So basically, you’re supposed to be just kind of walking or swimming, or resting from your walking or swimming. But they don’t want chairs. They don’t want tents.”
This is…hang on, I’m looking up the word.
Here it is: Idiotic.
The officer hoofed it on over to some others catching rays: “Hey guys, so the chairs aren’t allowed.”
This is where we are. The hour is late. It’s Stupid O’Clock.
At least it is, in California, where they’re also not allowing more than one person in a swimming pool at a time.
In Ohio, they’re busting Amish people for getting together in barns.
None of this sits right with me. Oh, wait — here’s the problem: It’s in a chair.
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