If you’re in the United Kingdom and get that ol’ sneaky feelin’, you’ll need to know the law: You’re prohibited from having carnal relations with anyone outside your household.
That’s right: If you wanna do unmentionable things with that sexy someone on the other side of your four walls, in the UK, U Kant.
On account of — just so you know — the coronavirus.
As reported by Yahoo News UK, the government put out (if you’ll pardon the expression) an updated set of guidelines criminalizing get-togethers of two or more folks from different homes.
The spankin’ new rules went into effect Monday, and if you do the math, you can figure a great kibosh on a host of social potential — including the kind that doesn’t involve polyester or cotton.
Here’s Yahoo UK:
At 11.30am on Monday, a change to the law was introduced that bans two people from different households in England gathering in an indoor, private place during the coronavirus lockdown.
The amendment to the Health Protection (Coronavirus, Restrictions) Bill states: “No person may participate in a gathering which takes place in a public or private place indoors, and consists of two or more persons.”
To be clear, prior to Monday, being somebody’s guest was forbidden. But now, both parties can be prosecuted.
And in case your were imagining a tryst in the Great Wide Open, elicit outdoor antics were already illegal.
Only those with a “reasonable excuse” are permitted to meet in a private place.
To hammer that, I give you part of the amended bill:
No person may, without reasonable excuse, stay overnight at any place other than the place where they are living.
Previously, your excuse could be unreasonable.
So what’s the fine for a devilish discarding of the dictate?
Well, anyone hooking up may be fined £100 — or £50 if you can fork it over within 14 days.
As noted by The Daily Wire, “human rights barrister,” founder of @EachOtherUK, and “visiting law” professor Adam Wagner pointed out that being pointed is out:
Afraid to say this is correct.
I can't believe I'm about to tweet this.
From tomorrow sex between two (or more) people in a private place who do not live in the same household is a "gathering" between 2 or more people and is therefore illegal. https://t.co/aEiGIoweee pic.twitter.com/b0KZBACSQ4
— Adam Wagner (@AdamWagner1) May 31, 2020
However, attorney George Peretz believes there’s a workaround:
As I read this, unless you live together, it’s now unlawful to have sex with your lover indoors, but fine outdoors (subject to public decency offences); but you can have sex with an escort indoors, as that is reasonably necessary for their work purposes (see 7(d)(i)). https://t.co/QXbT1EYikt
— George Peretz QC (@GeorgePeretzQC) May 31, 2020
Whatever the case, the UK’s actually seeing a lessening of the law overall — finally, as many as six people can meet up outside.
But as for allowable indoor activities, as per Yahoo, those are few and far between:
People cannot participate in a gathering indoors unless they are: attending a funeral; an elite athlete or coach of an elite athlete; facilitating a house move; meeting for necessary work purposes; providing care for a vulnerable person; providing emergency assistance or providing childcare.
Is it me, or is this the most bizarre year any of us have ever seen?
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