Broadway goes bland for gun control.

Remember the good ol’ days when Barack Obama would so much as glance at a gun and the American people would run as fast as they could to their nearest FFL dealer to purchase whatever gun caught their fancy? People would do this for a few reasons, but chief among them was the fear that Obama was going to attempt to illegalize or restrict firearms in some way shape or form.

But now we might see something of a revisit to the days of yore. This time, however, we’ll be purchasing our guns out of pure spite, and possibly in the name of a better future for pop-culture.

Broadway stars Lin-Manuel Miranda (Hamilton) and Ben Platt (Dear Evan Hanson) have united to create an anthem for the upcoming “student-led” March for Our Lives set to occur this coming Saturday.

“In the wake of Parkland, I was awestruck by the strength and leadership of the students and their ability to speak truth to power. In the midst of their grief, they mobilized the youth of our nation and created a movement. This is their moment. Not just for themselves, but for all of us,” Miranda said in a statement according to E! News. “This song is my way of helping to raise funds and awareness for their efforts, and to say Thank You, and that we are with you so let’s keep fighting, together.”

“Better gun control is something that all Americans should be passionate about,” Platt added. “These students are paving the way for future generations and it’s so inspiring to see young people standing up for what is probably the most important cause right now in this country, and demanding action. I hope that this song can play some small part in bringing about real change.”

According to E! News, the song made Parkland student activist Cameron Kasky “tear up.”

Sadly — and this is with me attempting to remove all bias for the reason behind the creation of the song — this “anthem” for the march is just bad.

The song is a sappy, unorganized mess of platitudes about being lost and found, having friends to carry you, and how those who marched will be telling their kids and grandkids about it. It’s hard not to be bored about midway through the tune.

“Even when the dark comes crashing through when you need a friend to carry you and when you’re broken on the ground—you will be found. So let the sun come streaming in, cause you’ll reach up and you’ll rise again. If you only look around–you will be found,” sing the duo.

What’s worse is that the video is filled with footage of Platt and Miranda singing, while those who are helping create the song are seen smiling at each other, hugging, playing instruments, and taking selfies. The video even ends by displaying a hashtag “#IWILLMARCH.”

The entire thing seems painfully corny, not because there’s so much happiness and lyrics that are more tired than a mother of five, but because the entire display seems so shallow. The intent behind the song is to make a propagandistic event seem more loving and even grand. It’s not. It’s an astroturfed event put together by a who’s who list of high-profile leftist organizations using kids as a sword, shield, and photo-op for their intersectional causes.

Watch this in the same way you’d watch a train wreck because they’re pretty similar.

As I said earlier, the video is so cheesy and try-hard that it literally made me want to do the exact opposite of the march’s intent. I don’t want to swear off guns, or remotely change my outlook on them.

In fact, it’s this culture critic’s personal opinion that we should go out and buy a gun just to teach the anti-gun crowd that releasing propagandistic tripe like this has consequences. Only then may we be safe from any more sappy songs from celebrities trying to get us to care about something we probably don’t want to get behind in the first place.

The future of our culture may depend on you going out and buying a firearm, people.