Miss Maggie

Happy Sunday! Hope my humble offering amuses you!

The Cat and the Rats

Before settling in our lovely lakeside cottage near Talladega, Alabama (Ricky Bobby!) Her Majesty and I resided in a nice little split-level over in Dallas, Georgia, a “bedroom community,” just West of Hotlanta. The house was notched into a hillside, with the basement/garage actually being at ground level at the street. Of course like any real American, I used the garage for storing ”stuff,” as opposed to actually parking a vehicle inside it—but I digress.

One night, just as I was dozing off, I heard the most gawd awful ruckus down in the basement. Her Majesty gently urged me to, ”Get your butt out of this bed, get down there and see what the hell is going on!” Upon investigating, I saw that a bunch of humungous rats had Maggie, one of HER three cats, cornered. Now I’m not much of a cat guy and Maggie ain’t all that bright to begin with, so my first instinct was to go ahead and allow Darwin to determine the outcome.

However, upon further reflection I concluded that if that worthless cat should come to harm, you-know-who would end up shouldering the blame. This in turn would result in a severe degradation of the highly coveted Domestic Tranquility.

So, I hied myself upstairs & got my Red-Ryder-Range-Model-BB-Gun-With-Compass-In-The-Stock, a Christmas gift from Her Majesty.

I came back downstairs and after a brief firefight, I managed to whack 4 of them critters, one of them, right between the running lights. But alas, the others got away. And Maggie? she just looked balefully at me and waddled off.

The moral of the story? A Hillary Clinton pinup properly placed down in the basement would have served as a great rat repellant and precluded this interruption in my beauty rest. Just sayin’

Mike Ford is a retired Infantry Officer who writes on Military, Foreign Affairs and occasionally dabbles in Political and Economic matters.

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You can find his other Red State work here.