The Worldwide Tattler! – Victoria Chortle
Hello citizens! This week I’ve hand picked some juicy tidbits from all around the steamy globe!
You don’t say so, North Korea!
Frisky doings in the land of rusty old Scud missles! I’ve heard that the ruthlessly cute communist leader Kim Jong Un, has been seen sneaking over (or under) the wall to South Korea! Some rumors have it that he is disguising himself in non-dictator garb and dining at the swankiest Seoul restaurants. We shall see… but I’ll bet he’s just smitten with a sexy South Korean kitten. Meow you hardline Romeo!
Tattle point: Chappaqua, New York
That fibbing old Mee-ma Hillary Clinton is refusing to accept any personal blame for her staggering failure in the 2016 election! Speeches here—speeches there. In one spicy speech she felt moved to remind us that Nixon was impeached. Hillary, brush up on your venom dear, because everyone knows that Nixon wasn’t impeached. But oh my darling, we did notice you omitted mentioning anything about your own husband’s actual impeachment.
Silly Hilly is said to be creating a new anti-Trump resistance group, in what Ripley confirms is the largest case of sour-grapes ever! See Hillary, you can be #1! And lucky for you, those discarded fireworks have a ten-year shelf life!
Dateline: A crappy old house in the Midwest, somewhere, much removed from time and importance
Michael Moore! He wanted FBI Director Comey out, out, out! Now he’s outraged that he’s not in, in, in! Michael, darling, can’t you make up your mind? Can’t you at least get an assistant to edit your tweets? And oooh la la who is your tailor? Do tell!
Tattle point: Fox And Friends on-air kitchen set
Mostly-unknown ‘Celebrity Chef’ and longtime gal-pal of New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, refuses to go on and cook after Paul Ryan’s segment on Fox & Friends! Sandra Lee, can you say; Oh-Oh Spaghetti-Ohs!? Do I smell cheap Ramen or is this just a “I wanna be noticed” tantrum? Set your cooking timer for a three-minute egg on Paul Ryan’s face. He must be so devastated!
Tattle Point: U.S. Senate
Johnny Be Bad! Sen. John McCain has been very outspoken about Russia of late. He said that Vlady Putin is a much bigger threat than ISIS. Really, Johnny? Disagreeing with your own party’s president can be honorable at times, but, Johnny—people in the know are saying you’ve got something up your sleeve. Do you have your eyes on another presidential candidacy? If so dear, my question is… for which party?
Tune in next week for more of the classiest tid-bits from most interesting folks who are so much more important than you!