When it was revealed Hillary Clinton had been diagnosed with pneumonia (allegedly!), fans of Hillary Clinton greeted the news with semi-delirious praise. Yes, that’s right. For some reason, Hillary having to be held up by her security detail and then practically carried into a van so she didn’t collapse on the street became a rallying crying for Hillary defenders all over the Internet.

It’s downright nauseating to be perfectly honest. The most egregious of this praise was the idea that what Hillary did was “bad-ass.” It started with Patton Oswalt:

James Morrison, who played Bill Buchanan on 24:

Tina Dupuy who is Comms. Director for nutcase Alan Grayson:

Clinton flunky one of the worst governors of Michigan ever, Jennifer Granholm went the Helen Reddy, “I am woman, hear me roar” route:

That’s bad ass? No. Roald Amundsen reaching the South Pole in 1911 is bad ass. Ferdinand Magellan circumnavigating the globe is bad ass. Neil Armstrong walking on the moon is bad ass.

Having a fainting spell is not bad ass.

And now that she’s had to cancel events, it appears “Bad Ass” Hillary is not going to be “powering through” anything for the next couple of days. So she is calling upon the reliability of a man to assist her. Not just one man, but two. Her hubby, Bill Clinton, is going take care of her California events and President Barack Obama will head to Philadelphia in order to  fill in for the Leaning Tower of Rodham.

This is part of why she chose Tim Kaine as her VP selection. People wanted her to choose Elizabeth Warren but Hillary recognizes that would be a problem. There might be those days when Hillary just isn’t feeling it and would rather stay in bed drinking some chamomile tea and getting in touch with her feelings. A phone call to Tim – the dude – is much better than calling Elizabeth who could very well be dealing with her own issues. The last thing needed are women making important choices when they’re all emotional and stuff.

It explains the reason Barack Obama didn’t have to worry and chose Joe Biden as his running mate. Easy for Biden to make an appearance from time to time and say something stupid. Obama then sends Joe off to his Gimp Box where he stays until Zed wakes him up when it’s time to be useful. We may think Obama is a bad president but he’s not going to get wobbly and weepy on us.

Maybe she can use it to her advantage. If she gets elected and is part of tense negotiations with Vladimir Putin, she can just start waiving a handkerchief in front of her face, get the fake southern accent going and declare, “I’m sorry Vlad. I’m just feelin a little ways tired. Let me call my yard boy Tim to come in here and take over.”

Time will tell.

*satire