Tuesday 'Toon: John Fetterman's Brain Is 'Abby Normal'

A white guy “hearing” some scary noises picked up his shotgun and chased a black jogger. No, that’s not a headline out of Georgia, that was John Fetterman in Braddock PA. Nine years ago, Fetterman was the mayor of tiny Braddock. He heard what he claimed to be gunshots. Fetterman grabbed a shotgun and chased down the first guy he saw. He leveled his shotgun at the jogger. The jogger was black and he was just jogging. Oops. Fetterman didn’t shoot the jogger, thankfully, but in a normal world, that would have disqualified anyone from higher office. It didn’t. What should have also disqualified him? He lived with his parents until he was 49.

By 2019, Fetterman was Lt Governor of Pennsylvania. Apparently, Pennsylvania has a combined ticket, so when Pennsylvania elected Tom Wolf, they got Fetterman in the package deal. The guy who the Democrats nominated for the US Senate has only won a stand-alone election for a city with a population that would fit inside a small High School gym.

Fetterman is Bernie Sanders with a shaved head. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but he looks like an oversized Klingon dressed like John Belushi in Animal House. Actually, there is a lot wrong with dressing like a college idiot. Fetterman’s response to the most important issues coming out of DC? “There’s work to be done.” Oh, ok, John. We know that and you’re not up to it.

About three months ago Fetterman had a stroke. He’s been “recovering” and recently gave a stump speech in Erie. Eerie indeed. Fetterman, in three words: “is not right.” He’s not capable of holding a thought. He’s not capable of delivering anything resembling a cogent policy opinion because “he’s not right.” Fetterman is mentally impaired. He’s not capable.

Fetterman’s only consistent talking point (delivered in print because he can’t actually talk) is to attack Oz for being rich. That’s it. So Oz has finally taken off the gloves. My colleague Bonchie covered this on Monday. Oz and his staff have demanded that Fetterman debate. Now Fetterman is stuck. If he refuses Oz can use that as evidence that Fetterman “is not right.” If he debates, Oz will bury him. Like Oz on policy or not, he’s a polished speaker and will bury Fetterman.

Oz might get attacked for attacking Fetterman’s infirmity, so he needs to be careful.

I don’t have to be careful. Fetterman, “is not right” – either in mind or for the Senate. Fetterman is alive. That’s about it.