Life has to have been rough for [mc_name name=’Rep. John Boehner (R-OH)’ chamber=’house’ mcid=’B000589′ ] over the last couple of years. Unruly caucus members, angry voters shouting at him, uneven spray tans – these things can get a man down. Who, really, can blame Boehner for wanting to walk away from it all and spend the rest of his life living comfortably as a lobbyist on the golf course? What I’m saying is, Happy Trails, [mc_name name=’Rep. John Boehner (R-OH)’ chamber=’house’ mcid=’B000589′ ], and enjoy your retirement.

Hey, you know who else is getting to retirement age? Mitch McConnell. I bet after all these years in the Senate, it’s a lot of stress for him – probably now more than ever, what with [mc_name name=’Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX)’ chamber=’senate’ mcid=’C001098′ ] and [mc_name name=’Sen. Mike Lee (R-UT)’ chamber=’senate’ mcid=’L000577′ ] hanging around and constantly embarrassing him and making his life difficult, and with people like Erick hounding him all day.

Some years back, Mitch McConnell was having trouble locating his balls, so we sent his office a couple hundred to help. I don’t know that it really helped Mitch with his balls, but it made a point.

I think it’s time we helped Mitch McConnell again. This time, we need to help him follow [mc_name name=’Rep. John Boehner (R-OH)’ chamber=’house’ mcid=’B000589′ ]’s fine example and walk away from all the headache and stress of dealing with us crazies who want a Republican majority actually accomplish something. What we are saying is: Relax, Mitch McConnell. Picture yourself on a beach somewhere, toes in the sand, with a beautiful woman in a grass skirt bringing you peach daquiris whenever you want them. Sounds nice, right? Why would you not retire and spend your twilight years in this fashion?

Let’s help Mitch McConnell realize that retirement is the right move for him – let’s help him get lei’d. For a very inexpensive price, you can order a nice lei from Amazon. Have it shipped to his Louisville office so he gets them next time he goes home:

[mc_name name=’Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY)’ chamber=’senate’ mcid=’M000355′ ]
601 W. Broadway
Room 630
Louisville, KY 40202
Phone: (502) 582-6304

Let’s help Mitch McConnell get lei’d. He deserves it, after all those years in public service.