We will all be made to care. Compassion; is now compulsory. You are not allowed to fight your wars against Westasia when Big Brother tells you to fight Eastasia or Eurasia. So if you own a bakery, you are free to believe anything you would like about gay couples. However, if a gay couple orders a wedding cake, you will bake it. You will render unto Caesar and he has a fwend in Wome named Biggus Dickus…

So what would Jesus do? The American Digest offers us a suggestion, but that would be too mean. Instead, make like the pwoud Woman Centuwion Naughtious Maximus and bake them a cake that you truly believe reflects the nature of their unconditional mandate to your business.

Now should they be upset, or lodge any complaints, you could plead ignorance. You should, of course, apologize profusely. Don’t let the slightest lilt of sardonic irony creep into your voice. Why bless their hearts! You simply misunderstood. Offer them a complete refund with no hard feelings. If they don’t accept that, bake them yet another cake. Something that reflects young ones, in the spring of their lives.

For Young Lovers Who *Demand* You Bake Their Cake!

If that fails to adequately send them running off screaming into the woods, then you bake them a nice, traditional cake that has a gentleman and a lady right on the top. If they seem perturbed, nonplussed or otherwise upset, clarify your confusion. Apologize again and explain you were led to believe that this cake was for a marriage ceremony. You know, the union of one man and one woman. By this time, they should get the point. After all, passive resistance worked wonders for both Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr.

(Images courtesy of Weknowmemes.com)