So Donald Trump is trolling for president. His announcement, bless his heart was everything amateur comedians on the internet such as RMJ truly wished for. It was epic. The Week got an early jump on the snark. I’ll let them roll with it – it’s what they’re good for.
Here are the lines that stood out for their novelty and humor:
On the United States: “We need money. We’re dying.”
On his likability: “I am a nice person. People that know me like me. Does my family like me? I think so.”
On his economic platform: “I will be the greatest jobs president God ever created.”
On Washington: “How stupid are our leaders?”
On China: “They have bridges that make the George Washington Bridge look like small potatoes.”
On his finances: “I’m really rich.”
On Saudi Arabia: “I love the Saudis, many are in this building.”
On the 2016 election: “Ladies and gentlemen, I am officially running for president of the United States.”
But now that the circus has finished, and THE DONALD is in the race, I warn you not to laugh. I’m being very serious. Seriously serious. Not kidding in the least. THE DONALD is deliberately provoking you to laugh. He wants more publicity like what PJ O’Rourke gave him today.
This is how Populists first get big. Lots of people made fun of Ross Perot in 1992. Rush Limbaugh was particularly vituperative. That worked with everyone who thought H. Ross Perot was a whack-job. It backfired with people who identified with Mr. Perot and his concerns. They felt insulted and emotionally doubled-down. This is exactly what THE DONALD wants. Any Big Gazooni* that laughs at him has it coming.
And he really put on the full court press. Intelligently securing the border like a responsible adult isn’t good enough. It’s gotta be the Great Wall of China! And we’ll make Mexico Pay for it!** It’s as if he didn’t know President Obama was joking about the moats full of alligators. It sounds hokey. It sounds as overblown as that bad comb-over we associate with our newest GOP candidate. You just have to laugh. If you don’t understand that you are being deliberately played.
He wants you to scorn him so that he can use you as a foil. He sets it up like it’s him against the world and that big, bad world is goin’ down like The Andrea Dora! This is boffo showmanship. I can think of an even better analogy than H. Ross Perot. There was that time Jesse Ventura ran for Governor of Minnesota. We all laughed at Jesse. His candidacy was a joke. It was so funny Ventura got elected. Kinda makes those jokes about THE DONALD stop seeming so funny. He won’t just be kidding when he fires people as POTUS.
*-Heck if I know what a Gazooni is, but the Donald would call you one. Then he’d fire you.
**-That’ll fix ‘em. THE DONALD will make ‘em crap in their boots and EAT IT!