In a 13-minute phone-in interview on Fox & Friends this morning, Donald Trump told Wyoming and other states who limit primary decisions to caucuses and conventions to kiss his chubby, wrinkled, 70-year-old ass (Jim Hoft can verify the condition of said ass, just ask him.)

TRUMP: But it’s a rigged system. I see it. You know, I’m a smart guy (okay, I wet myself just a little bit), a business guy, and nobody ever really understood the system until I brought it out, and it’s a rigged system. When you look at Wyoming, when you look at Colorado, the bosses are picking the people. Wyoming actually said they are doing it in order to save some costs because they didn’t want to go to an election with the people. They said that yesterday and I said ‘wow, that’s something.’ The other thing is that I’m funding my own campaign, so I’m putting up my own money. So people are saying ‘why don’t you go out?’ Because I’m not going to go out and waste a lot of money. And I’ve spent less money than almost anybody else and I’m in first place by a lot. And, you know, that’s maybe the kind of president you want to have, frankly, if you want to know the truth. But I don’t want to waste money going to Wyoming, sending Cruz over there for months and months and months, knowing you can’t get because you’re not going to beat the bosses.

Yes, another hard-hitting performance by Fox News.

This is bullsh** from start to finish. Trump is never going to do well in any primary where actual Republicans are the voters. He only does well by diluting the Republican vote with the flotsam and jetsam of Democrats and previously disengaged people. And Trump is simply not popular in Wyoming.

And attending the convention was not going to be the kind of furious fellatio that he likes from his usual audience.

So Trump did what any coward does when confronted: tuck tail and run.

You’ve all seen AYSO* soccer games and the U-6 level where the slow, really challenged kid never who never gets the ball has a melt down on the field. The coaches quickly clear away the other team members, slow-roll the ball to him, and let him dribble down field and score to the wild cheers of the crowd. That is how Donald Trump sees the GOP convention. He is an uncouth and unaccomplished loser who doesn’t know what he’s doing but he knows it is just NOT FAIR that he doesn’t get a chance to score. So now he’s demanding that the teams and officials leave the field and let him succeed.

*This is not a criticism of AYSO, which is a great organization and for which I was a coach and referee for nearly 10 years.