A Schumer pinata for everyone. 

ABOUT TIME we have some breaking news before the New York Times does another in-depth story on Brett Kavanaugh throwing ice. Next up, he doesn’t always match his socks correctly.

Well, the good thing here at Red State is we have some contacts at the Federal Bureau of Investigation who are into their SEVENTH background check of Brett Kavanaugh. They actually found more than 10 but if I printed that here I would have to kill you before they killed me.

So in the latest check, here is what the Bureau (might have) found.

*Puts Ketchup on a hot dog

Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with this but lots of food zealots get mad. Kavanaugh correctly points out, this is allowed under the U.S Constitution.

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*Keeps the toilet seat up.

In a house with three ladies, this is not advised.

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*Only tips 20% when there are 6 or more in the party

I would base the tip on the service which includes did you put enough ice in my drink to toss.

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*Refused to issue an opinion in college on if Miller Lite “Tastes Great” or was “Less Filling”.

Millenials won’t get this joke so a video is attached to help you out.

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*Does a wicked impression of George W. Bush talking on the phone to Karl Rove.

Rumor has it he has fooled Rove a couple of times on the phone with this impression. Told him to cut it out with the whiteboard.

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*Likes to wear a Hawaiian shirt underneath his judicial robe

Duh

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*Is really glad that former White House Press Secretary Dana Perino DID NOT have Jasper when he worked at the White House.

This revelation could tip Dana’s coverage of this on “The Five”

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*Doesn’t really like beer, just said that hoping SNL would get Matt Damon to spoof on him. Nice job buddy of Ben and Casey Affleck and Harvey Weinstein.

Not hard to trip up Damon. Just watch Team America for more info.

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*Wanted to know if he gets a federal discount to purchase a Chuck Schumer pinata for his family to use this Halloween. Was disappointed to learn the Schumer pinata is just filled with Hot Air.

Sources say Judge Kavanaugh was told you had to hit the Schumer Pinata in front of a live camera to get the maximum effect. Clearly a deal breaker.

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* Is throwing a kegger party if he makes it on to the Supreme Court. Promises not to throw any ice.

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Well, there you have it. An attempt at a lil levity during one of the most shameful and disgraceful times ever in this countries history. Let’s hope this gets resolved soon.

Also, make that damn Schumer pinata a real thing ASAP.

In case you missed my other post on a different subject SHOCKER…Beto O’Rourke Demeans Women With “Tight Buttocks” and my podcast Bourbon On The Rocks check it out and follow me on the twitters at IRISHDUKE2