“If women were in charge of everything the world would be a better place.”

This was the beginning of a conversation I saw on social media recently and unsurprisingly the entire thread turned into how much everyone hates Donald Trump and how much we need a female president.

I’ve heard this a lot over the years. I’m sure we all have. Like the mythical utopia of a racism-free, poverty-free, trash-free, conflict-free Canada, the mythical belief that women in leadership are incapable of mischief is just that…a myth. How do I know? I’m a woman, and I can’t imagine anything worse than working a job in which women are exclusively in charge in an environment that is exclusively female.

No thank you.

Whether you believe in a God who purposefully created us or an evolutionary process that is built on the survival of live organisms, it is clear that there is a reason it takes a male and a female to create life. There is something necessary in that balance. And if we are to believe either the evolutionary process of that or the Creation process of that (or both) then we must believe it extends to all aspects of our lives. It behooves us to balance our presence and our energy with equal opposite presence and energy. You don’t need a forty-year, peer-reviewed study to understand this. The experiment is historical and observational.

The idea that women are better without men is patently absurd. Women are different without men, and vice versa. Sometimes we women choose to take breaks from romantic relationships with men because it is imperative that we understand how we are different when we are not with men. It deepens our understanding of ourselves. But a space without men isn’t a guarantee of a space without violence or drama. In fact, I find it to be the opposite and it’s why the idea of women ruling the world is terrifying.

Women are ruthless, even the nicest ones. I like to think it is a biological imperative. This has always been a “man’s world” — as they say — and our survival in it means that we often compete for resources. Even our bodies are primed to prioritize survival of our offspring and ourselves. It makes us fierce and it also hardens us. Sure we are nurturers but we are also survivalists.  Some modern feminists abhor the term “catfight” but there’s a reason it is a term. Have you ever seen two women fight (often inexplicably) over a man? It’s ugly and embarrassing. Women will do a lot to preserve that survival instinct. A “catfight” isn’t two women being petty and jealous. On the surface — absolutely. Just below the surface lurks the inexplicable need to protect our resources and sometimes another woman can look like a threat to that.

What I’m saying is — women get ugly too. Don’t think for one second that if women ruled the world there would be no violence. What an utterly naive, farcical thing to say.

One thing I can’t stand in my home is chaotic thought. It makes me condescending at times, because it truly enrages me when people ask questions they already know the answer to or ask questions they haven’t even taken the time to think about themselves. It sounds ridiculous, but I take it personally. Sometimes I feel like people in my family are being stupid on purpose, just to annoy me or to make me do their thinking for them.  It is ridiculous, but don’t you see that is the point?

Let me tell all of you “if women were in charge” folks out there — if I were in charge of the world it would be a lot more frightening than it is right now. I would probably feel offended by everybody all the time. If I ruled the world with my closest girlfriends we’d probably have nuked half the global map by now. You all would be in for a world of hurt, left to figure it out on your own.

Emperor Kira on trade with China?

We’re done with these jokers. They’re nothing but a pain in my arse and enough is enough. They can find someone else to do business with their racist, communist, garbage leaders. What’s that? We don’t have the resources to make up for this loss? Not my problem. Figure it out!

Emperor Kira on education?

I don’t live where you live and I don’t know your kids. Figure it out.

Emperor Kira on welfare?

Look around your community, see who needs what and then help them. You got two feet and a heartbeat. Figure it out.

Emperor Kira on marriage?

Mandatory 12-week pre-marital counseling and the end of no-fault divorce and prenups are illegal. Sound unfair? Figure…it…out.

I would have no mercy and frankly, I’m no different from any other woman and don’t let them tell you otherwise. With women in total control of any environment, one of two things happens: over-feminization or ruthlessness (I skew ruthless, in case you’re keeping score). Don’t let the academic set try to tell you otherwise.

In the entertainment industry, corporate America, and even academia, women often view each other as threats rather than allies. You will not find one woman on earth who doesn’t have a story about another woman being kind to her face and then undermining her behind her back. People often bring up Finland’s all-female government (why are we always so obsessed with lily-white Scandinavian countries? It’s so odd for a nation of social justice warriors force-feeding us “diversity” all the time). When I see pictures of them I just think about how chaotic it must be. There is no balance there. As a woman who has been married for 21 years, I can say for sure that men need us. They complain about us, but it’s not an accident that many risk life, limb, and pride to win us and keep us. They need us. We need them, too. I’ve worked on projects where I purposefully pulled men in if there are too many women. It skews the perspective and perspective is everything. I have no idea why we think men need the female perspective in work/life spaces but not vice versa.

I bet if you polled the women in Finland’s government you’d find out all kinds of sordid things about how they feel about each other. I’ve never looked at a business or entity that touts and brands itself as exclusively female and thought, “That’s going to be the most successful venture ever!” I’ve only ever thought, “That seems terrible.”

My point is, there is no inherent nobility in the female gender, and if there is, then maybe we ought to stop trying to erase gender because then you’re just erasing that nobility.

But I digress further into common sense.

Obviously girls rule and boys drool but in the grown-up world, women aren’t any better than men. Men aren’t any better than women. Men and women are, however, better together.

Do we really want women alone to rule the world? Anyone who answers yes is trying to get someone killed or trying to get laid.